私が属する場所

Life Unknown

2006-03-30T09:04:00.000+08:00

The night was a relief, compared to the cold nights of past. I stroll further outside, the peace of the night drawing me, tempting me. I glance about and then up, my eyes seeking the stars as the childhood verse comes to my mind..Starlite..Starbright..smiling at my whimsical thoughts, wondering how many times I have quoted that saying throughtout my life, remembering past wishes, startling myself as I realized that in the past few years I never seem to make a wish. Was it because I was happy with life and had no wishes? Or was it because I simply didn't know what to wish? Past wishes were made of love, to find my knight who would love me as I read of for so long. The only difference was in realizing that words written by some author was just that..made up words to draw the reader in, to tempt, to tantalize, to yearn. The word passion, well, it was a word bounced around in someone's mind who thought to play a joke on the world, writing eloquently of all the feelings and emotions that a person feels when they experience this passion. Because of that writer, so many souls have sought this passion, have been hurt because of passion, have been denied this passion. I think in that moment, not so much my heart, but in my soul I still sought that passion.Lost in thought, I didn't see you until I was almost upon you. I laugh, startled, saying, "I am sorry, I didn't see you." You smile saying, "It is okay, I didn't want to interrupt your musings." Embarrassed I reply, "It was getting stuffy inside and I thought some air would be nice.""Nice party", he says and I agree. He says, "are you here with your husband?", and I say, "Yes, most are his friends and when he gets to talking, he seems to forget that I am without other friends. But it is okay, it is one of those things you get used to after being married for so long. And now I am rattling on and on..my name is Gracie."You hold out your hand taking mine saying, "mine is Clay". "I am here with my wife. Like you, most are her friends, and because I tend to be a quiet person, I step back and let her have the limelight. Not to say that I don't have fun at these parties. It just amazes her that with my quietnesss I can still extract information from total strangers."I smile and reply, "I used to be quite shy growing up, but after not being happy with the amount of friends that I had, I set out to change myself, throwing myself into becoming more outgoing. I think my children will tell you now that I just like to talk, which means that I never meet a stranger."We gaze at each other, a sort of understanding passing between us. A quietness falls between us until he ask..."Tell me what you were thinking before I interrupted you?" I look at him wondering why he would be curious? And what would he think if I told him my thoughts? Torn between telling him the truth and or coming up with something inane and thoughtless, I say, "I was thinking of the stars and thinking of how many wishes they hold.""And have many come true", Clay asks?"I suppose." "Me being a female, you can imagine what my wishes were." To be asked to hold hands, or to be kissed, or to be asked on a date...""To meet someone and fall in love, he ask again?""Yes, I replied." "To live the kind of love you read about in those romance novels."And have you?I sigh and say, "maybe, I don't know." "There are times when I am so incredibly happy with life, of what I have, but there are times when I immerse myself in the words that are written and I find myself pausing, asking myself if I have truly lived those words.""How do you wish to live Gracie? What is missing?"I hesitate, thinking, and say, "a few things come to mind, passion, soulful love, the kind of love that makes your heart ache when he is gone, that you think of nothing else but him and his happiness, realizing that by making him happy, he in turns completes you with the same kind of happiness. You see, I know that I have loved in that way, but I am not so sure if I have been loved in the way that I have loved. I am beginning to think that maybe love simply isn't that way. That we truly do marry our opposite and because of that we love differently. Maybe that is why the experts warn us that marriage is never easy and that we must always work on it. And I am sorry, I am talking way too much and I didn't mean to burden you with this."You reach out touching my arm, stilling my words, as you say, "It's okay. I was curious as well and I understand all that you have said. In fact, the things you have talked of are things that I wonder about myself. Despite what women think, we men do tend to think of things like romance, and passion, and love. We don't think of sex ALL the time!I laugh. thinking to tease, but then you say.."I am totally in love with my wife. She is as hot to me now as she was way back when. There is never a moment of when I don't want her, but for reasons of life I guess, she doesn't seem to want me as much. I live in my memories of what we once had, yearning for those moments back, catching glimpses when we are intimate, sad when days pass without that spark. My days are busy, my mind is even busier, but I have a feeling inside of me that is empty and I fear that I will never fill that emptiness again."I stand there, silent, letting your words wash over me, recoginzing them as my own, feeling your sadness, wishing that I could reach out and erase that sadness, take away your emptiness, but I am at a loss in how to do that. I reply, "it seems that I am traveling a path similar to yours, and yet I never seem to go in one direction. I always thought life was suppose to take you straigthforward but I seem to be taking these offbeaten paths and to be honest with you I sometimes wonder if I am not going in circles. I am not sure about you, but I think that is what makes me dizzy all the time."You laugh again but don't say anything. Silence descends again, but we hear music coming from the house now, something slow, drawing us in its spell. I turn as to go but you put out your hand saying, "dance with me Gracie." I hesitate, but find my hand going to yours as you pull me closer, drawing me closer and closer to your body, as we slowly start to dance. I feel your arms around me, your body warming my body, admitting to myself of liking this, of enjoying you, enjoying this part of my night, and I feel this spark? this feeling that I have not felt in so long...feeling excited, happy, raising my face to yours, wondering if you could hear my thoughts, ashamed if you could, but hoping against hope all at the same time. Your eyes meet mine, looking deep into them as if you could see into my soul. I am startled by the intensity of that moment, of what I feel, as if I have known you all my life. I tell myself to pull away, that this isn't right, but the selfish part of me encourages me to stay, to see what might happen..and then as you touch my face, the music ends. I tremble, wanting more then anything to taste your kiss, to be so caught up in you that I forget all my thoughts. Your thumb touches my lower lip briefly as you whisper, "I know", and then you step away breaking the spell.I swallow my disappointment but realizing that I am not really disappointed at all. I smile and say thank you, turning as I start yet another path to my life.

Getting Over His Love

2006-03-30T09:03:00.000+08:00

'I really don't want to be here! I really don't want to be here!' Emma whispered under her breath with her eyes closed as she felt the car swerve around a right turn.'Aw, cheer up honey,' her mum said from the driver's seat. 'I am sure you'll have a good time.''Mum,' Emma said opening her eyes. 'F.Y.I i don't know these people! They work with you.''Yes hon, but i promised them to come over for dinner. And they really wanted to see you.''Couldn't they see me another time?' Emma muttered under her breath.Her mum frowned.'Please be polite, Emma. I might just make a business deal with them if they like you enough!''Me? Why me?' Emma squealed.'Because they need a young, beautiful thirteen year old to go to Fiji - ''I am going to FIJI!?''IF they like you,' her mum said smiling. 'If they do, you'll be modelling some fashion designs and you'll have a great all expense paid holiday at Fiji.'OK, Emma thought squirming excitedly in her seat. They can't be that bad if they're sending me to Fiji and ask me to model some hot fashions. Emma my girl you HAVE to impress them!''Here we are,' her mum said pulling into a driveway.Emma gasped. 'That's no house!' She pointed out of the window. 'That's a mansion!'Her mum grinned and parked the car. Then she and Emma got out. Emma carefully lifted her satin dress of the gravel driveway. This was going to be a formal dinner and they had asked men to wear tuxedos and ladies to wear evening wear.Emma's mum led the way up the stairs to the front door and rang the bell.It was immediatly opened by a tall, snooty looking butler.'Velcome, to ze Van Rou estate,' he said in his French accent closing the door behind them.'Cool service,' Emma grinned up at his twirling moustache. He frowned at her.'Come on dear,' her mum said.They were in a long, high ceilinged, marble floored hall. There were pot plants in the corner and dim lights gleaming from the sides. Even the ceiling was a mirror!Their heels clicked loudly in the quiet hall and after what seemed like years they found themselves in front of a huge staircase. To Emma it looked just like the one Cinderella had climbed when she had gone to the ball.'Welcome!' A man with a suitably cheery face bobbed up to them.'Good evening Mr. Van Rou,' Emma's mum said smiling and even gave a small cursty. Talk about being that formal!.'So good of you to come!' He said. Then his round blue eyes landed on Emma.'And this must be your daughter!' He said smiling under his walrus moustache. 'She's just as beautiful as you described Mrs. Cummings.'Emma blushed and said politely.'Thankyou so much for inviting me Mr. Van Rou.''Not at all,' he said modestly. 'This way please. Into the ballroom.'He led the way through many winding rooms until they reached the biggest ballroom Emma had ever seen.'I really must be in a Cinderella world,' she gasped. A huge crystal chandelier hung from the middle. Many people were already there talking in low voices. An orchestra band played a soft tune in a corner of the room.Emma was then intorduced to Mrs. Van Rou, a tall, hook-nosed woman. She looked down at Emma with some dis-taste.'Charmed,' she said not smiling when Emma told her it was a pleasure to meet her. Then she suddenly pulled Emma's mum into a corner near a chattering group of ladies who Mrs. Cummings was intorduced to.Mr. Van Rou had already bounded off leaving Emma alone and quiet lonely. She was really very pretty with her dark brown hair tied back in a bun with three swirls dropping like a side fringe over her magnificent green eyes. Emma walked slowly around, rather bored again with her white gloved hands resting on the folds of her blue shimmering dress.Then someone tapped her on her shoulder and she turned around. But the moment she did she felt herself falling through an endless sky.A boy about her own age with short blond hair and a pleasant smile stood in front of her.'Hi, do i know you?' he asked.Emma just gaped, then remebered that her mum had told her not to dangle around chatting.'Uh, no,' she said then began walking again, but he caught up with her.'Hey wait!' He said. 'I am Alastair Van Rou.'Omigod! Emma thought terrified.'Pleased to meet you,' she said bowing. Then she walked closer to him and whispered.'Look i am really sorry I didn't know who you were,' she said quickly. 'But you know if you - ''Stop!' He said grinning. 'You don't have to feel sorry.''Right,' she said nodding then turned and began walking again. But he stopped her ... AGAIN!Wasn't this guy ever going to leave her alone?'May i just ask what you name is?''Emma ... Cummings,' she said looking at him.'Well would it be alright with you if i asked for a dance?' he said holding out his hand.Emma felt herself reddening. Some people were alright dancing to the soft tune. She looked around for her mum, but they were so many people she couldn't see anything.'Uh ... ok,' she said and rested her hand gracefully on his. He wrapped his fingers around hers and she drew back a breath when she felt his touch. He led her to the middle of the dance floor.'OK,' she whispered to him again. 'I am not that good at dancing so please don't mind if i step on your feet.'He was grinning at her again and without saying a word placed his hand around her waist drawing her closer to him. Emma felt like her legs were going to give in.She trembled as he placed her own hand on his shoulder and before she knew it they were circling together!Right then, she tried to think calmly as his eyes bore into hers. I am at a Cinderella type mansion, doing a Cinderella type dance and twirling in the arms of the perfectly hot guy. AND, i might be going to Fiji! Now, don't panic!'So what school do you go to?' he asked.'O-opal High,' she stuttered and felt really stupid when he glanced at her but felt her heart race when he said, 'Me too! I mean, we just moved here so that's the school i WILL be going to.' He smiled and said. 'Guess i'll be in your class.''What?' she asked startled by this news. 'I don't think you'll be able to because there are ten different classes in year eight and you might be put in one or the other so there's no chance - ''My uncle is the principal,'Alastair said calmly. 'And i can get him to put me in any class i want ... with whoever i want,' he added quietly.Emma glanced at him. He had eyes only for her!OK, she thought trying to organise her thoughts. This guy has a major crush on me and i really like him too, so now what? ... PANIC!Emma stopped dancing.'I, er ... need a drink,' she said looking at the ground embarrassed.'I - ok,' he said and walked with her to a nearby waiter who handed them tall wine glasses filled with frothy punch.After a few minutes everyone was called into the dining room for dinner and Alastair insisted that Emma sit next to him, which she obviously accepted ... until he asked another girl to sit next to him too!'Lara!' He said smiling warmly in the direction of a long blonde haired girl. Emma felt a tiny twinge of jealousy when he started talking to Lara.OK, maybe not a twinge - but her whole heart was burning with envy!The girl was wearing a strapless smooth pure silk, silver dress with frill edging. Pearls lay across her neck and long diamonds dangled from her ears.'Emma?'Emma was bought to her senses when Alastair walked towards her with Lara who was looking pretty snooty at seeing Emma.'Hi,' Emma said warmly. But Lara simply nodded then quickly turned to Alastair and started talking to him again.That wasn't for long, Emma thought disappointedly and went back to her mum and sat next to her far away from Alastair and Lara.After the five course dinner was over, there was more dancing but Emma stayed off the dance floor and sat in a dark corner surrounded by gossiping ladies. She heard one of them say.'There's my Lara and Alastair. Don't they make the perfect couple?'Emma looked sideways and saw the two circling together. Lara had her arms wrapped around his neck and he was obviously enjoying it.I am not gonna cry, Emma thought bravely and was glad when her mum said it was time to go.As they were going back home her mum asked what was wrong to which Emma replied, 'Nothing.''Hey, i have good news,' Mrs. Cummings said grinning. ' We're going to Fiji!''We are?!' Emma said totally happy with the news. 'Oh yeah! When?''Next Sunday on the third of september. And we return on the fourteenth of October.'Then when they were at the traffic light she leaned over and hugged Emma.'I am very proud of you. You behaved really well today.'The next day - MondaySchoolEmma had gotten to school early and was just taking out some books from her locker when ....'Emma!'She turned and found herself face to face with Alastair. He looked even cuter in normal jeans and shirt but she just gave him a icy stare and slammed her locker shut walking out of the corridor.But he ran up to her.'Hey, what's the matter?'Oh, nothing,' she said waspishly. 'Just trying to forget how nice you were last night and then didn't even say goodbye.'She stopped walking and turned around to him.'Guess ypou were to busy with LARA wrapped like an octopus around you! You are really different from the guy i thought you were.'With that she went off to her first class when the bell rang ... only to find that he had meant what he had said last night. He WAS in her class!She sat down firmly in a two desk row and purposefully dropped her bag on the chair next to her. But he simply lifted it and sat down next to her! 'Well!' She shouted. 'I can see - ''Listen Emma,' he said in a lowered voice. 'Nothing is going on between me and Lara. It's not like you think it is.''Well, whatever!' She said and got up and moved to the other side of the room and sat next to her friend.For the rest of English he kept throwing her looks but she ignored him ... which was hard to do since all the OTHER girls were looking at him!When the bell rang she quickly gathered her stuff and made her way out of the classroom down to the quad for recess.She sat down on a bench and closed her eyes - but on opening them she realised it was a mistake.'Quit stalking me!' she yelled standing up and tried to get past Alastair but he grabbed her hand and pulled her. And then what happened next you've probably already guessed. He placed his lips firmly on hers and pulled her body closer to his.Emma's heart was thumping for all it's worth, bu she enjoyed the kiss. His lips were warm and soft and made her feel secure in a way.When they finally broke apart he quickly said, 'I love you.'By simply uttering those three magical words made Emma feel like the world rested in the palm of her hand and she could do anything!'I am sorry,' he said quietly. 'But i really love you.'He started walking but Emma stopped him and simply wrapped her arms around his head and gave him such a powerful kiss, it took the breath out of her!He grinned and both of them sat down while he stroked her hair and they talked.The whole week passed by with them holding hands and Emma couldn't believe it was for real, to afraid it might just be a dream.SaturdayThe day before Emma left for Fiji'Here,' he said tying a necklace around her neck. 'I had it specially made.'Emma gasped as she fingered the jewel on the locket that said, 'My True Love'.She gave Alastair a hug, never wanting to let go.'I'll miss you,' she murmured.'I'll miss you too,' he said.'But did you know the day you come back - the fourteeth, it's my birthday!''Well them i'll certainly be the best birthday present for you,' Emma said kissing him.They spent the day together after which Emma sadly said goodbye and left for Fiji the next day.14 of OctoberEmma returned from her trip: excited, tanned and totally bursting to meet her boyfriend. She had gotten him heaps of presents for his birthday and asked her mum if she could meet him starightaway.'I'll surprise him,' she said in the car as they pulled into the familiar driveway of the Van Rou estate.Emma leapt out and rushed past the butler and made her way up the stairs to Alastair's room which she had visited before so often.She put on a huge smile and got ready to burst open the door when she heard voices through the open crack and knelt down to listen.'I love you,' Alastair's voice said.'I love you too,' Lara said.A tear rolled down Emma's cheek as she watched her boyfriend smooch Lara through the open door.'No!' she blurted and realised it was too late. Alastair broke from his kiss and looked at the door.'Emma?'He rushed to the door only to find no one but a locket at the foot of the door ... the one he had given Emma.Then with a leap he rushed down the stairs after Emma.'Emma! Please, i am sorry!'Emma was already outside on the gravel when she suddenly slipped and fell.'Emma!' she heard Alastair yell and he knelt down beside her, hugging her.'Oh, my dear Emma, are you - ?'He never finished the sentence because then Emma slapped him around the face.There was a silence except for the two breathing and panting.'I hate you!' she choked. 'How could you? You told me you loved me - ''I do Emma,' he said desperatly. 'My mum set me up with Lara and - '' I don't give a damn about her!' Emma screamed and got up. But she didn't walk away. Instead she turned and looked down at him.'You have hurt me beyond imagination!'Then she took a step backward and fled up the driveway puffing and panting till she reached the park.Leaning against a tree she cried and cried. Her knees buckled and she slid down the trunk knowing it would take her time to get over his love ...Maybe forever ...She loved him just to much ...

The Last Dance

2006-03-25T03:09:00.000+08:00

The years had past by like a kitten on the winters snow, it left it's paw prints on her soul. She sat alone on her porch as the southern breeze blew, making her long hair dance around her. No longer was it dark like the North Dakota coal, but with age it had finally turned to a soft white which only enhanced her grace and beauty. She sat and closed her eyes and like so many times, she drifted back in time. Sweeping her back to a time in her life that she couldn't still to this day forget. Her heart still raced when she thought of him. He was always there, she could still feel him. She knew he was alive, but she had lost contact with him over the many years. You must be a hoot around the holidays. It was the first words he had spoken to her. Well he didn't speak them, he wrote them to her. But she still remembered them. Her hands caressed a memory book he had made for her so many years ago. The cover was frayed and tattered. The pictures were yellowed with age but the smiles where ageless and priceless. She could cite each and ever poem that was written in that book. How he had touched her in such a special way. No man had ever seen so deep within her soul like he had. His words made her heart come alive and still to this day they had a way of making her feel his love. Her mind was a whirl now as she could feel him even though it had been many many years since she last touched his lips with hers. He had such a touch, it was like being caressed by angels. When he was around the air was crisper, the sun shinned brighter, his love was intoxicating. Slowly she whispered, "Jack, where are you my love." She could remember so much about him. How it felt the day she left him and how she kept hoping to hear from him. The days went by and she tried to cope with it. Months past and she kept the faith that soon he would come for her, but he never did. Her chair creek as she shifted her weight and closed her eyes. His eyes burned within her soul. He made her feel like she had never felt. His love was so pure, yet so simple. He had a way of making her feel like she was a goddess. He's touch was....love. She could never explain it, she had tried for many years to explain it but all she could say was....love. Why had she done what she had. She wished so bad so many times that she could turn back the hands of time. She would have done things differently if she could. They would be together.Then she would have never had to live with all these years wondering,"what if". She never knew a person could miss someone so completely like she missed him. It didn't matter what she had done through that time he was always a part of her day. The clouds gathered as the sadness encompassed her. The fall leaves dropped from their perch and meandered to their resting place. The leaf covered ground looked like a quilt with it's patches of color. She had moved from the north about 10 years back trying to get away from the cold that she never got use too. Her wrinkled hands turned the pages of the memory book. With gentleness she caressed each and every page. Her fingers ran over the pictures and the memories flashed with brilliance in your still youthful mind. She touched the bracelet on her wrist that he had given to her on one of his many visits to her. She looked up from the trance that imposed her and took the glasses from her eyes as once again a tear streamed down her face. Her heart still ached with such an emptiness. For all these years she had walked around with an emptiness within her. She had fought it, tried to pretend she was happy but she was the only one who really knew the true sadness that was buried within her. She could hear his laugh. Ha Ha Ha, what a laugh he had. It had a way of making her smile like she never knew possible. She glanced down at the photos and there were the smiles of two young lovers. He was her lover for eternity. She could still feel the love that dwelt within her when they had been one. "Jack", she whispered. She closed her eyes and wish that he could feel what she was feeling at that moment. How many times had she done that throughout the years. She would sometimes think of him so hard hoping he could feel her. They were soul mates, so she knew without a doubt that sometimes no matter how far he was from her he could feel her. For there were times when she felt him. There were times that in the middle of the night she would wake and lay there, starring off into the darkness and she could feel him thinking of her. Just like now she could feel him thinking about her. It was almost as if they were together at those moments. It didn't matter where she was when it happen, be it in the bank, or in the grocery store it always felt the same. She would stop in her tracks and savor the moments. And as it would subside there would always be a heartfelt smile left in it's wake. Even though she was old now, she longed to be with him. Could it be possible that they still could be lovers even though they were to old, both of them, to even do such acts. Was it possible to touch someone as they had years ago still at this age. She could feel his caress still to that day how he made her feel so loved. The way he would look at her always made her feel so wanted and needed. The tears continued to flow from her eyes and she looked at the pictures. With trembling hands she raised the memory book and placed a kiss on his youthful face. A smile framed her lovely face as she could feel him close to her. The leaves pranced and danced there way across her yard. Without a warning one single leaf bounded free and tip toed across her porch. She watched as it meandered freely from one end of the porch and skirted across to the other side. With a wisk it was lifted high into the sky. Twirling and dancing it flew high up in the air. The hand of the wind carried it high in the graying sky. From up above the leaf had a birds eye view of the town that laid below it. It floated freely as the wind carried it to it's destination. Softly it landed only a few blocks from where it had started its journey. It skipped and hopped till it braced its self up against the rocker of a older gentlemen as he rocked back and forth. The older gentlemen stopped rocking, he slowly bent down and picked up the brightly color leaf. What a beautiful leaf you are, he thought. He touched it with his wrinkled fingers and he stopped and pondered for a minute. Such beauty in something so simple he thought. Just like the women that still owned the key to his heart. He sighed, and slowly he closed his eyes and started to rock again. She was a thing of beauty. He had never seen someone so beautiful as her. It had been many, many years since he saw her but still her loveliness was blazed within his minds eye. He had once been an artist so he remembered ever little detail about her. The beauty of her smile and the way her freckles had highlighted her face. Her eyes were filled with so much joy and he would find himself getting lost in their trance. So many times he would just sit there and look at her not saying a word, only a smile on his face would say it all. "Rose, where are you my love?" he whispered. He missed her so. She was the women of his dreams, he had never known such beauty. It was not only the outer beauty that held him in awe but it was the beauty of her inner soul that captivated him still to this day. Even though it had been many years since he saw her, still to this day she owned his heart and soul. Age had come to him in so many ways but it was his mind that was still as sharp as it had been when he was young and youthful. He often would dream about her, the things that they did. Their time had been brief, but oh my the times that they had were ones of wonderment and of pure joy. The old man continued to rock. His eyes were fixed upon the leaf but his stair blazed past the leaf like it wasn't even there. He could see her. There were even times when he could smell how wonderful she had smelled. God she was so beautiful, she had such a grace and style about her that still with all the years continued to leave him in awe. He couldn't even begin to put it into words, even though he had tried so many times over the years. A tear began to well up in the corner of the mans eye. It made it's presents known and then leap from it's hiding place and made it's way down his wrinkled and tired face. The wrinkles on his face where likes lines in a book each one of them told of a story and so many of them had been with her. Even though he was not with her in flesh, he was with her in spirit. There hadn't been a day gone by that he hadn't thought about her. He had kept to his promise he had given her so many years ago. He had never remarried and he had never been with another women. He had never lost the love for her. It still burned just as bright as the last time they saw each other and had told each other they loved one another so much. She was truly the love of his life and it sorrowed him so to know he had lost her. Why, still to this day he often pondered why it had all happen the way it did. Had he not shown her enough love? Had he not shown her that his love was true and he was devoted to her and her alone? Still to this day he could remember her words, "you have all of my heart", she had told him. "Oh Rose", he wept. The sky began to get dark as the day was coming to an end. It was the same darkness that covered the old mans heart. It was as if someone had taken a dark vail and cloaked his heart with it never to see the light of day again. The rain began to fall as if it were tears falling from the angels above. As if the angels were looking down on these two lovers and the sadness could not be held back any longer. For you see it is love that is a gift. Often times love comes many times in ones life but it is a special love, a true love that is so rare and often never found by those who seek it all their life. To have obtained it and then to have embraced it only to open your hands and set it free is truly the saddest experience in ones life. Once you have drank from its cup you will never be the same again. The old man stopped rocking. He looked off into the distance. Another day had come and gone. He had checked his mail hopping like so many times over there years that there would be a letter, a card, something in there from her. But nothing. He knew she was still alive. He could fell her. "I miss you Rose", he said with sadness in his aging voice. He slowly set the leaf free and it tumbled carefree off his porch. He slow reached into his pocket and pulled out three items he carried with him each and everyday. There, in a piece of wax paper was some rose petals. They were from the first roses she had sent to him. There was a picture of her and him when they had met in Los Vegas and then there was the gold chain she had gotten him for his 40th birthday. He grasped the items tightly in his shaking hands as he started to pray. It was the same prayer he had said over the years. He asked the sweet Lord to please watch over his sweet love, Rose. Amen. He reached down and picked up a note book. He took out a pen that he always used to write to her with and once again like so many times he jotted down a few loving words to her. My Dearest Rose, I know you are still out there and I know you will probably never get to see all these letters I have written to you over the years. I have written so many and they are all in these note books that are tucked away in a special place. Once again I have to say something to you my love. His pen became a blur as his heart poured out onto the paper that was before him what was deep within his heart and soul. Words leaped from his finger tips, his soul weeped.As Jack finished writing, a tear dropped to the page. It was to be the last time he would every write a poem in this life time. The rain continued to fall and it was getting late so the old man, Jack, picked himself up out of his rocker and headed inside his lonely house. Later that night as Rose was getting ready for bed, she stopped and looked at some of the things Jack had given her. He always seemed to have a witty mind back then and always knew just what to get her. But by far her favorite was the simplest. It was a little box painted dark red and hunter green. It had her name blazed across the top of it in gold letters and inside, was the key to Jacks heart. She picked up the box and held it close to her. Her aging fingers had a hard time getting the clasp to open, but finally it popped open. She gently pulled the tiny key out and read the poem he had written so many years ago. He truly was the love of her life. She sighed as the loneliness filled her heart once again. She slowly walked over to her bed and with ever so much ease she climbed into the bed. The sheets were cold and she started to laugh. "Where are you Jack, when I need the bed to be warmed", Rose said with a happy thought in her heart. Rose slowly took off the tiny chain around her neck and with some difficulty put the tiny key on it. There she said, you have a nice place to sleep and you will be close to my heart. Rose got comfortable and once again said a prayer before turning off the light. "Dear sweet Jesus, please watch over the man that gave me this key so many years ago". She continued as her voice began to quiver and tears began to fall. When she was done she reached over and turned off the light. The room fell silent and dark, except for the night light that cast a glow down the hallway. Jack walked his way to his bedroom. He reached over and slowly lit a candle just like he had done every night for so many years. The night was a special time it had always been there special time so once again he couldn't help but think of her. With ease he got up and walked over to the mirror and with hands shaking he for the first time in many many years put the gold necklace on she had gotten him. He looked over and there on his dresser was a picture of her in a clock she had given to him the last time they saw each other. He picked up the picture and carried it over to his bed stand. He still to that day had the look when he gazed upon her ever lasting beauty. He put the picture down on the night stand and slowly eased his way between the sheets. He turned and clicked off the lamp and the room was filled with the glow of the single candle that burned so brightly. He quickly said a prayer and then with a sigh in his voice he told Rose goodnight like he had a thousand times. "Goodnight Pooh", he said, "I love you." From the heavens the angels descended. They came with a host of others to be with these two lovers. It was time. Life comes to us and we travel along it's roads, only to find that it is a brief journey. But life doesn't end just now, we go on to some place that we will all be together. As the two lovers closed their eyes in unison the angels looked down to help them with their next journey. Jack was the first to go, he looked upon the smiling face of the angels and knew everything was going to be ok.For he knew he would finally get to see his beloved Rose once again. Rose closed her eyes and a smile swept across her face as she departed to be with the man she had loved so much. The angels came for her and took her hand. She didn't fear a thing for she had waited for this time for many many years. The angles took her hand and carried her to her destination. Jack and Rose, finally were together again. The angels knowing of their undying love brought the two lovers together. The smiles they had filled the heavens above with a brilliant light. They joined hands and with a song in their hearts they danced their way to heaven............

My Story Part 2

2006-03-08T20:16:00.000+08:00

"You are awake? Oh Thanks God..."
This was the first thing i heard when i first opened my eyes. I looked around and saw my whole family standing around me. I tried to sit up and only then i realised that my right leg was in cast.
"Dun move around, You are still to stay on bed."
Where is JunYong?"
After i asked this question, there was a silence in the room for quite awhile. I could sense something was not right. It seem like something serious had happened to Him.
"What happen to Him? Kor tell me! Where is JunYong?"
"He is fine,'' said my mum. "He is in the other room. Doc say you still got to stay on bed for the next few days."
After hearing that, i felt more relief. Knowing that he is doing fine its all i want to hear at moment. Soon after that i fall back to sleep... ...

"Boy, wake up. Its time for your medication."
I was woke up by the nurse, who was on her rounds.
"Can i ask you something? Hows my friend doing? Is he ok?"
As she pass me my medicine, she said,"Your friend?"
"Yah... The one that came in together with me?"
"Sorry to say but He wasn't given a chance to recover." Saying that the nurse walked out of the room shaking her head.
Hearing that, instantly a feeling of devastation engulfed my whole mind. Immediately i called my brother telling him to come over to the hospital right away.When he arrived i told him i want to be discharge immediately.
"But you can't leave yet."
"I don't care. All of you had lied to me saying JunYong is still alive. I want to be discharge now. I want to see Him. Please... Kor... Please..." Tears started rolling down my cheeks.
He agreed. He drove me to His place. He help me alight from his car and push me over to where He was resting...
His parents walked over when they saw me.
"We understand what you are going thru... We won't blame you, we know its not your fault. Ah boy said it wasn't your fault before He left," said His father.
"can i see Him?"
JunYong's father nodded hie head and push me over to His casket. He carried me up from my wheelchair. When i saw Him lying there coldly.
"Baby... I'm here... Can you hear me?"
Tears started forming in my eyes but i told myself i have to control myself. I forced myself for not crying. Not long after this my parents arrived.
"Boy we are sorry... we shouldn't have lie to you about His death...But we are just worried that you might not be able to take it..."
"I'm fine... I just want to stay here please. I want to accompany Him..."
For the rest of the wake, memories of us being together just keep flooding my mind. Everyday i just sit beside Him looking at Him, talking to Him, hoping miracle would happen, hoping He would just wake up and answer me.
Time seems to pass extremely fast during the wake, so fast that it was the last day, it was the day of His incrematation. Everything was fine on that day, i managed to control my emotions. But it did not stay that way thru out. When we were all there, just before pushing Him in, the priest asked us to offered our last prayers and bid our last farewell. I was at the end of the queue, and when it was my turn, i turned to my Dad and said, " Can you help me up? I want to see Jun for the last time."
He pushed me to the casket and carried me up with the help of my brother.
"Bye baby..."
Saying that then i realised that He is really gone. Tears started rolling down my cheeks freely. I tried holding back my emotions but i failed. I leaned forward hugging His casket. At that moment, I just do not want Him to leave me just yet. My dad and my brother tried to pull me back, i struggled. When they started to lift His casket towards the flame, i lost controlled of myself... I wanted to rushed forward to stopped them. My parents and my brother were trying very hard to keep me from doing anything stupid.
"Please boy, control yourself. Please... JunYong wouldn't want to see you like this too." My mum hugged me crying out, trying to console and stop me from rushing forward.
"I don't care. Please let me go stop them... Let me GO..."
"BABY!!! No!"
I managed to stand up but i was too late... I fell to the floor, still shouting His name. My dad help me up back on my wheelchair and to see if i had hurt myself from the fall.
"Oh my god, Boy are you ok? Does it hurt? Theres blood on your leg, We got to send him back to the hospital."
At that moment, i was telling myself," What could be more painful than now. Baby is gone forever. Baby is gone..."

Although this incident had happened so long ago but till now, whenever i opened His diary to read, i would still cry. His diary had all the things that we did written in it. Even details of every little simple things that we had done... Our 1st date, our 1st time, our 1st valentines' ... ...
Even now when i recall this story, i would still cry. The reason is simple, it is because I still love Him.

Dear Friends, i urge all to really treasure the people beside and around you, especially your loved ones... ... Its not easy for 2 to come together as couple, it takes a lot of fate. So treasure what you have with He or She.

My Own Story

2006-01-16T10:22:00.000+08:00

"This is a story that a friend wrote it for me. I've been writtin stories about others but have never written anything about myself, so i thought 'Its Time'. To Him whom i dearly love before, just want to say... ... I STILL LOVE YOU."

Sitting in my room, flipping thru a book which belongs to Him, brought back memories of us when we were together. I have never imagined that He will actually writes down everything that we do when we were together. As i was reading, i really long for His presence, but i know it will not happen... ...
We know each other way back to our school days, but we did not get together till we were sec 3. We were in the same class and CCA. Both of us love playing basketball. To me, He is a very good friend, buddy and brother before our confession towards each other. Our love life started during a farewell party that we organised for our seniors then. It was a 5 days chalet but people started leaving on the second and third day, leaving only me and Him behind. It was on the last night of the chalet that He started talking to me about relationship. It was just a very normal conversation until he blurted out saying, " I like you".
"I beg your pardon" was my reply immediately after he said that.
" I said I LIKE YOU!"
With Him saying that for the second time, i was at a state of serious confusion. At that time, i was still struggling with my own identity whether am i or am i not.
"I know after saying this to you, i might lose you as a friend but i really want you to know what i thinking and how i feel"
"Do you know what you are saying or doing? Haha... You are just trying to be funny right? Haha. Well you got me this time."
"No! I'm really serious! Just tell me what are you thinking now? Please."
"Don't be stupid. Umm... I'm tired. Ummm... Need to sleep now. We talk tomorrow, k?"
After saying that i stood up and headed for the room. While lying on the bed, the conversation we had before just kept flashing back in my mind. Thoughts like ' Its He serious or is He just kidding?' , 'What should i be doing?' It was a never ending struggle up in my mind. I force myself to put it aside and a decision of just ignoring what that had just happen.
After that confession done by Him, both of us turn cold, we hardly talk and hardly even look into each others eyes when we walk pass each other. This scenerio lasted a couple of weeks when He came to me again.
" Are you going to avoid me for ever?"
"No...... I'm not avoiding you, i never did."
"Then why whenever i walk pass you, you will just look away?"
"Ummm.... ...."
"Its only an answer that i want. Its that really that difficult?"
"But... ... but.. ... I really dun know what or how to answer you..."
"Just answer me. Do you like me?"
"I dun know."
"I know you already have an answer. Why can't you just say it out? Nevermind, just forget it. I'll not disturb you again. Sorry and bye."
After saying that, He turned and walked away. I could see tears rolling in His eyes. The next moment i know myself doing was me running towards Him, holding Him back.
"I like you!"
He stopped, "What? What did you just said?"
"I said i like you"
"Really? Please dun bluff me."
"Yes!"
Next thing we know, we were in each others embrace. We have totally ignored those people that were walking around us, all we want is to just remain at that state.
It would be the sweetest time for the both of us. We did things that a normal couple would do. At that very moment, i really consider myself to be the most happy person in the entire Universe. And little did we realise we were together for 4 years. Thru-out the 4 years, we did a lot of things that we consider major break thrus in our life. We confessed to Both our parents, who initially couldn't accept the fact that we are gays. But we told ourselves that we are going to prove to them that being gay its not after all 'bad' . We make it an effort to be the top students in school, one of the best students, role models, just to please our parents in not stopping us to be together. At our second year in JC my mum accepted the fact that she can't change me but to accept what i am. Not long after that His parents too gave Him their blessings. Upon recieving the news, we told ourselves from then on nothing going to stop us ever again.
But somehow or rather that day still came. We were both in the army serving our National service. With some helps, we manage to be in the same camp. I remember it was on one of this night where we had our night out and we decided to go for dinner nearby. Dinner started out fine when we started to talk about some issues that happen in the day. Not long after, it ended up in a quarrel. Being the stubborn one, i ended the quarrel unwillingly. On our way back i sped all the way. So fast that i didn't realise a car on the other side of the road was attempting to dashed across the traffic light. It hit us. The impact was so great that it hit Him off the bike and me dragged together with the bike for a couple of metres away. When both the car n the bike both came to a halt, i have already passed out.

(to be continued.... .... )

Story Of Regret

2005-12-20T03:29:00.000+08:00

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.
Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back.
That went on for several years and each year, the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest. So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy.
The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.
Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and have never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly. Since then, three years have passed and the girl never return anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life..... still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl.
On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend's party alone. "Hey, how come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?", asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend's queries about her, still he just surged on.Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his steady. He wanted so much to ignore her ..... not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn't feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across
the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.
"Hi......how are you? Enjoying the party?" the girl asked.
"Sure.....yeah!", he replied.She was slightly tipsy..... must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,"Why...? Don't you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?" Then he answered, "No, there is no need for that anymore......"Before he can continue, he was interrupted, "Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven't been searching for one for the past years, right?" The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was.....the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.
All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!
Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.
As it was Christmas eve, the line was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through......precisely at 1200 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.
He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why did fate played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods...!! How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.
The moral of this story is : -Treasure what you have...
Time is too slow for those who wait;Too swift for those who fear;Too long for those who grief;Too short for those who rejoice;But for those who love...Time is Eternity.
For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.

Another Sad Love Story

2005-12-20T03:27:00.000+08:00

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.
She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.
She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide.
But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.
I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her.
I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

"True Love Never Has An Ending"

2005-11-21T03:06:00.000+08:00

June 17, 1999
My name is MiNa Nam. I’m 19, still very young, but I am dying. Not right now but my life is slowly fading away as I’m writing my story. At this moment I’m sitting at ‘our’ spot. Mine and Eun Ji Won, the love of my life.
The sun is slowly beginning to set over the lake. I took a glance at my reflection in the water. My outside looks have changed drastically within the past few months, but the water reflected the true me. Inside I’m still the same person.
I have done and given so much for love but never once, have I received it back from Ji Won. There are times that I wanted to tell him everything that I’ve done for him and make him love me back. But I can’t. Love is not selfish.
So I did what felt right. I keep giving Ji Won my love and I never asked for his love in return. Even though I’ll leave this world pretty soon, my love for him will still remain. My story begins when I first met Ji Won six years ago on this one fateful day. It all started out….
October 31, 1993
“You better come back here you good for nothing brat!”
I covered my ears with my palms. That was my stepmother calling me. Her voice sounds murderous and I didn’t want to face her today. She had slapped and hit me too much already. I’m afraid I can’t take it anymore so I hid in my closet. I peeked through the crack in my closet and saw my stepmom with a really pissed off look on her face. She was holding that stick that I’m always afraid of. I winced thinking about how much it would hurt if she hits me with it again.
I’m just thirteen and whoever said 13 was an unlucky number, they were right. My mom had died when I was just turning ten. Before she died she told me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world and how proud she was to be my mother. She said even though she’ll be gone, her love is with me always.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. ‘If you love me mommy, how can you be so selfish to leave me?’ So now when I had turn 13 my dad had married Mok Young A, who is my stepmom today. She was a cold-hearted woman who tortured me all day. Any self-esteem I had for myself was shattered and I was living a nightmare.
My closet door suddenly opened. “There you are you wicked girl!” My stepmom started cussing at me as she pulled me out and threw me onto the floor. I began to tremble because I knew what was going to happen next.
*Whack whack whack.*
I cried out in pain but I knew that no one is going to hear my cries. I desperately began to gasp for air. My heart was aching again. I couldn’t breathe.
“Not again! Don’t you see how much you’re costing your father and me with your heart problems? If it wasn’t for all these medical bills we wouldn’t be so poor now!”
I had this heart condition where air would suddenly shut off and I couldn’t breathe. The doctors are trying to save me by giving me a respirator and pills, but they’re not sure how much longer I’ll be able to live. My dad (who was a pathetic excuse for a man) came in.
He looked down at me with sorrowful eyes. He held my stepmom’s arm lightly and said, “I think she had enough. You don’t want her to have another attack. Calm down and let’s have dinner.”
“That’s why I’m hitting her!” she yelled. “She got detention and stayed after school for an hour. She was supposed to be home to go buy food for dinner and make it. Your daughter is so evil. She wants me to starve or something!”
“I didn’t get detention. The teacher wanted to talk to me about—“
But I was cut off by the whack of my stepmom’s stick. I cried silently in pain and turned away. I didn’t want to look at her. My dad said, “Well, dinner’s just going to be a little late today. Mina, say sorry to your mom.”
Despite the pain, I managed to say, “Sorry mom. Please forgive me.”
My dad handed me some money. “Here. Go buy food to make mee-yuk-gook tonight.” My stepmom’s temper simmered down a little as my dad lead her out of my room.
I picked up the money and headed for the store. Mr. Choi, the owner of Choi Food Market, shook his head as I walked in. He knew what kind of hell I was going through. I finished my shopping and checked out.
“That’ll be $3.49.”
“What?” I asked. “Umm…Mr. Choi. That’s impossible. With all this stuff it should be around $15.”
“I know Mina.” Mr. Choi gave me a sad smile. “The exact price is $14.32. Why don’t you keep the change for yourself?”
I opened my mouth in shock. “Mr. Choi…I..I can’t do that,” I said as I handed him 20.
He only took five. “No. Keep it. I know that stepmom of yours don’t give you any money.”
I looked up at Mr. Choi with tears in my eyes. Here he was, just a friend reaching out to me. I said thanks and headed for home.
I decided to take a shortcut home but as I passed the alley, a hand pulled me in. I was knocked to the ground and a shadow hovered over me. I began to scream but the same hand covered my mouth.
“Shut up or I’ll kill you!”
I shut my mouth instantly. I didn’t want to die yet. In the moon’s reflection I got a good look of my attacker. It was a boy who looked a little bit older than me. His face and clothes were dirty but he had really good features so I could tell he was extremely good-looking. But this was not a time to think about such things.
He held a table knife at my throat and said, “Give me all your money or I’ll kill you.” I panicked but I knew what to do. I used the move I wanted to use on my stepmom every time she pinned me down and hit me. I kicked him hard right into his family jewels. He gasped and fell to the floor, dropping the knife. I picked up my groceries and ran.
I guess you can call me the dumbest person alive. I was afraid I had kicked the boy too hard and permanently damaged him. Besides, since my life is hell already, I didn’t want him to go through it too. So I turned back.
When I came back to the alley, the boy was still lying on the floor. He was moaning softly. I lifted him up gently. “Are you okay?” I asked. He shook his head no. “I’m sorry,” I said to him. I reached into my pocket and pulled the money Mr. Choi gave me. “If you need money, then here. All I have is ten dollars.”
I placed the money in his hand and walked away. He looked at me with this weird expression that I couldn’t read. I picked up my groceries and this time I left without turning back. I could tell the boy was watching me as I was walking away…
Ji Won stared at the girl who had just walked away. ‘She must be the nicest or dumbest person in this world,’ he thought. He began to stand up but had to use the wall for balance. That girl had kicked him a little too hard. Ji Won had just run away from home again. He had ran away so many times that the alley was his second home. When he ran away he always stole his parents’ money.
They were the richest people in all of Hawaii but they were also the most messed up family. His dad would have a lot of women with him and would betray a friend if it would bring him money. His mom, on the other hand, was an exact duplicate of his dad. She always had these young men around her and spend money like crazy. His parents were divorced and lived on opposite ends of Hawaii. ‘Bitch and bastard,’ thought Ji Won.
When he ran away this time, he didn’t have the chance to steal any money from his dad. So he had no choice but to rob somebody. When he saw the young girl walking out of the store, she seemed to be the perfect target. But things didn’t turn out as planned.
Ji Won kept wondering why the girl gave him the money even though he could have killed her. Ji Won knew he couldn’t take the money because she was the first person in his messed up life that was nice to him because she wanted to be, not because she wanted something from him. He wanted to give the money back. When he gained some of his strength back, he began to chase her…
When I came home, I was greeted by the usual words. ‘Ugly wretch, wicked girl, freeloader, etc.’ but luckily I made it through dinner fine. When dinner ended, my parents went to sleep leaving me with the dishes. I cleaned the table and washed the dishes. I also took out the trash and then suddenly I felt someone grab me from behind.
My attacker turned me around to face him. It was the same boy I met in the alley. I began to panic. “I gave you all my money already! What more do you want from me?” He raised a finger to his lips and tried to shush me. I felt one of my attacks coming on. I started to hyperventilate and couldn’t breathe. I was beginning to black out.
Ji Won looked at the girl who looked like she was going to die. “Oh my God! Are you okay?” This time it was the girl’s turn to shake her head no. Then she collapsed in his arms. Ji Won didn’t know what to do but he had to save her life. He began to give her mouth to mouth. “Come on,” he whispered to her. “Breathe. Don’t die on me.” After a while she began coughing and opened her eyes.
I opened my eyes and saw a blurry object heading towards me. Then I felt something soft pressing against my lips and I felt a gust of air. Then I realized the boy was giving me air. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I blushed and gently pushed him away. “Thank you for saving me. I’m okay now.”
The boy turned slightly red. “Uhh…you’re welcome. You kinda scared me there.”
“Sorry about that. Well, what is it that you want from me?”
“Here.” He handed me back the same ten dollars I had given him. I looked up at him. “No, it’s okay. Keep it. I think you need it or you wouldn’t have tried to rob me.” He shook his head. “No. I just wanted to borrow it only. I don’t take charity. Well, goodbye.”
Just as he walked away, I heard his stomach grumble. I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t laugh. Since he didn’t take charity, I said, “Um, hey. I just made some food and I don’t know if it’s good or not. I need a guinea pig because I don’t want to serve it to my parents if it isn’t and besides, you did save my life.
Ji Won looked at her. ‘Why is she being so nice to me?’ he thought. He knew she was just saying that because she heard him say he doesn’t want charity. Ji Won’s stomach was growling like crazy. He haven’t ate for 2 days already and the mention of food was killing him. “Uh, okay. I guess I’ll be your guinea pig since I have nothing to do.” He studied her face as she smiled at him. ‘She’s pretty,’ he thought as he smiled back.
I let the boy wait outside as I got some of the leftover mee-yuk-gook for him. He finished it in less than a minute. Then he leaned back and sighed. Out of nowhere, he let out a burp. I had to giggle. He looked at me and smiled. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.”
I hesitated before I asked him the next question. “Umm…so what’s your name?” He glanced at me and then stared at the ground. I could tell he was debating to tell me his real name or not. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to telling me his name. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Ji Won looked at her surprised. “No! It isn’t that!” he yelled. She stared back at him surprised too. Then he lowered his voice. “I’m sorry. Please don’t misunderstand.” She nodded her head slowly and Ji Won can tell that she was confused. Ji Won felt that he could trust her and he wanted her to be his friend.
“My name is Eun Ji Won and you are?”
“Nam Mi-Na, but call me Mina. It’s easier to remember.” Then she gave him the sweetest smile. Ji Won felt his heart beat a little faster when she smiled at him. He blushed and looks away. “So uh, how old are you?”
“13,” she replied. “And you Ji Wonee?”
He smiled when she called him that. “I’m 15,” he said turning back to look at her.
“15?” I asked in disbelief.
Ji Won nodded. “Where are your parents oppa? You’re too young to be living in the streets.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I can take care of myself.” I gave him a doubting look because he was trying to pull that tough guy act on me. “It’s okay though,” he told me. “I have a family. It’s just that things are bad at home so I’m just getting away from it for a while.” ‘So he ran away,’ I figured out.
I could tell that Ji Won was a good person. “Do you have a place to stay tonight?” He shook his head. “How about staying in my room then,” I offered.
Ji Won couldn’t believe his ears. He stared at Mina. ‘Did she just offer him a place to stay?’ “Ji Won?” Mina asked as she waved a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay?”
Ji Won shook his head and snapped out of it. She placed her hand on his knee. “Oppa, I asked if you want to stay in my room for tonight?” Ji Won was so touched that he felt his heartache. No one had ever cared about him so much but he didn’t want to feel as though he owed her. “No thanks.”
Mina looked at him with her big sad eyes. “Please oppa? I’m afraid of the dark.” Ji Won smiled. He knew she was lying so he would say yes. For the first time in his life, Ji Won felt warm inside because now he is wanted. He let out a sigh. “Aigo Mina, okay. You talked me into it. But just for tonight though.” She giggled and nodded. “Okay.”
Silently, I led Ji Won into my room. My room was small and luckily, it was far away from my parents so they can’t hear much. I let Ji Won have the bed while I take the floor. ‘Damn,’ I thought. ‘Why does the floor have to be so cold and hard?’
Ji Won stared down at Mina who was trying to sleep on the cold stone floor. He picked her up easily and lifted her onto the bed.
“Oppa? What are you doing?” I whispered as my eyes grew wide.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
I nodded my head slowly.
“Good,” he said. “This bed is small but it’ll fit both of us.”
My eyes grew wider at what Ji Won had just said. But I had just told him that I trust him. I couldn’t take my words back so I had no choice but to sleep with him. We both got in my bed and slept side-by-side. I was so nervous, I couldn’t sleep. Ji Won, on the other hand, had no problem. He fell asleep instantly.
I turned my head over to look at him. His face was so innocent like an angel when he was sleeping. Who would have thought he was such a devil when he’s awake and moving?
An hour had passed and it was 3’ in the morning. I still couldn’t sleep. Suddenly something weird happen. Ji Won turned his entire body around and did a 360, kicking me. “Ow!” I cried out but covered my mouth so my parents wouldn’t hear me. When he was done, he had this happy look on his face.
At first I thought he was just playing with me but he really did do a 360 in his sleep. Suddenly he reached over and held me tight. My entire body went tense and rigid. I could feel Ji Won’s light breathing on my neck. I don’t know why but now that Ji Won was this close (practically laying on top of me) made me feel better. It’s probably cause I’ve never been this close to a person in a long time. Soon I began to fall asleep too...
November 1, 1993
Ji Won opened his eyes and found himself laying partially on Mina’s body. He blushed and slowly moved away from her. Then he just laid near her watching her sleep. Suddenly it caught his eyes. The sleeves and pant legs of her pajamas were lifted up and he got a good look at her arms and legs. Dark purple bruises cover her entire body. There were several scars on her legs and arms too. Red lines run across her legs and it made Ji Won wince because it looked so painful.
He didn’t want to disturb Mina but he was really curious. She turned over and Ji Won lifted the back of her shirt. It was even worse than her legs. Ji Won opened his mouth lightly in shock and touched her bare back delicately, fearing that he might hurt her. Mina began to stir.
I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I saw Ji Won looking at me with this sad expression on his face. “What’s wrong oppa?” I asked. “Who did this to you?” Then he lifted the sleeve of my shirt. I opened my mouth in shock. I tried to hide it but I couldn’t believe he saw my bruises.
As I tried to answer him, I heard my stepmom’s footsteps heading towards my room. “Oppa!” I yelled, turning back to Ji Won, who was rubbing my bruises. “You have to get out of here! My mom is coming!” Ji Won looked at me surprised but I opened my window for him to climb out. “Climb down this tree. Goodbye Ji Wonee,” I said to him with tears in my eyes.
Ji Won remained silent the whole time as he left her room. But he didn’t leave though. He sat on the branch of her tree and looked through her window. He couldn’t hear what Mina and her mom were talking about but he saw it. He saw Mina’s mom bring out a small wooden stick and whack Mina with it several times. Ji Won couldn’t take it anymore. He busted back into Mina’s room.
I looked up at my stepmother in pain. “I’m sorry mom. I didn’t know we’re supposed to have guests today.”
She glared at me with cold hatred in her eyes. “Mr. Eun, of the Eun Hotel Empire all over Hawaii, is coming to visit us. Your father might get a promotion if we make a good impression! You’re supposed to be awake half an hour ago to prepare all of us tea! Now Mr. Eun is down there expecting tea! What am I supposed to do now huh?”
My stepmom began to breathe rapidly as her anger increased. I saw her raise that stick of hers again. I curled myself up hoping the pain would lessen but I know it wouldn’t so I prepared myself for the strike…
Ji Won caught the stick just before it would hit Mina. Mina’s mother stared at Ji Won in surprise. Mina opened her eyes and stared at Ji Won in shock. He looked down at her. “Mina, are you okay?”
“Ji Won!” I screamed. “What are you doing here?”
Ji Won looked back at me. “I came to save you from this evil bitch.”
My stepmom twisted her face in hate. “I knew you were trouble all this time Mina. How dare you bring this boy home? Wait until I tell your father about this!” Ji Won grabbed my stepmom’s arm to stop her. “You do that and I’ll have you fired!” I stared at Ji Won dumbfounded. ‘What is he talking about?’
“What are you talking about you juvenile delinquent?!” snapped my stepmom.
“I mean,” said Ji Won glaring at her. “ That you’re having tea with my father right now and I’ll get you and your husband fired if you hit Mina one more time.” I look at Ji Won surprised. ‘Ji Won is the heir of the Eun Hotel Empire? His family is the richest in all of Hawaii!’
My stepmom looked at Ji Won doubtfully. “If you’re his son, then how come you’re so filthy?” Ji Won gave her a smirk. “I know you want proof. How about all of us go down there to talk to my dad?” My stepmom looked at him and thought, ‘This is the only way for real evidence. He might get us a promotion.’ Then she said, “Come on then, boy. Let’s go.”
All three of us came downstairs together. Ji Won had to help me down because my legs were too weak to support me. Ji Won helped me sit on the couch and he faced the strange man before me. Mr. Eun glared at Ji Won.
“Hi dad,” said Ji Won.
“Where the hell have you been Ji Won?” shouted Mr. Eun.
My family just watched them yell at each other. Ji Won shrugged his shoulders. “Around.” It made Mr. Eun really mad but he never hits Ji Won. He continued yelling. Ji Won didn’t really listen and after a while he cut his dad off. “Look dad, shut up about it already and we’ll talk about it at home.”
‘Dang,’ I thought. ‘I could never talk to my parents like that.’ Mr. Eun shuts up. “Okay son, we’ll talk about it at home.” Then Ji Won gestured his hand at my entire family. “The Nams were nice enough to let me stay at their house. You owe them dad.” Mr. Eun nodded. “Fine. Joon and Young A, you two just got a raise.”
My stepmom got so excited. “Thank you Mr. Eun!”
“Come on Ji Won,” said Mr. Eun. “Let’s go home. And have that talk.” Ji Won brushed his dad’s hand ff his shoulder. “Later dad. I’ll be home in an hour.” His father glared at him. Ji Won glared back. “I said one hour.” Mr. Eun knew Ji Won was stubborn. So he agreed. “Fine then. One hour.”
After Mr. Eun left Ji Won talked to my parents. “Listen here,” he said as he sat down next to me. “I can get you hired and fired just like that.” And he snapped his fingers.
“We know, we know,” said my stepmom sweetly, pouring Ji Won some tea.
Ji Won didn’t drink it. “All I want is for you two to not touch Mina anymore. If I see another bruise on her, you know the consequences. Ji Won held my hand the entire time he spoke with my parents. I felt a strange warmth going through me and I knew that right then and there that I was falling in love with Eun Ji Won.
My dad remained quiet while my stepmother talked. “Of course Ji Won.”
Ji Won rolled his eyes. “Okay, and I’ll make sure you keep your promise.” Then Ji Won turned to face me. “Come on, let’s go.”
“What?” I asked confused.
“Go to my house with me.”
“Go go!” said my stepmom pushing me towards Ji Won. “Have fun kids and stay out as long as you like.” I knew my stepmom was really ticked off but she was playing it off pretty well.
Ji Won continued holding my hand and never once did he let it go. The walk to his house took us 15 minutes and I was enjoying every minute of it. When we reached his house, Ji Won let out a sigh.
“Mina,” he said softly. “Just stay quiet and let me do the talking okay?” I nodded my head and we entered his house. His house was huge! I felt as though I’m a peasant walking through a castle. He even had a few maids and butlers who attended us. Ji Won led me to his room. It was nice and clean but there were a lot of holes all around his walls. I sat down on his bed as he went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he was done, he came out and sat next to me, holding my hand. I really am in love.
“Ji Won, how come your walls have a lot of holes?”
He shrugged his shoulders and I massaged it for him. As he relaxed, he answered me. “Oh, it’s cause I fight with my parents a lot so I take it out on the walls.” Judging by the holes, I can tell that he was really angry every time he made one. “Come on,” he said. He lifted me up on his back and gave me a piggyback ride downstairs. He smelled so good now that he’s clean and fresh
His dad was waiting for him in the den. I waited outside while Ji Won came into face his dad. Ji Won came in, uninterested in what his dad had to say. “What is it dad?”
“Ji Won, son…this is getting to be very tiring. Every few weeks you would run away, leaving me and your mother worrying about you.”
Ji Won smirked. “Sure you’re worried. That’s why you’re out with those hoes and mom’s out with those morons. It’s because I’m your only son. You’re just scared that when grandpa passes away he won’t put our family on the will.”
His father got angry. “Well do you want it to end up on your uncle’s side?” Ji Won gave his dad a look that showed he didn’t care. His dad continued talking. “Since I managed to have a son and my brother have no kids, I have the advantage. Son, listen to me. You know you’re my heir. All my wealth will be pass down to you.”
Ji Won looked at his dad disgusted. “All you care about is money! You don’t care about me!” he yelled as he stormed out of the den. Ji Won slammed the door open and grabbed my hand. “Come on, let’s go.”
I was confused and didn’t know what had happened. Ji Won held my hand and took me to the beach near his house. On the sand there were these 2 huge rocks. Ji Won led me over there. He lifted me up and we sat side by side. We remained silent until Ji Won took a deep breath of the ocean air.
“I love this place, don’t you?” he said to me smiling. I returned his smile and held onto his hand tighter. “Ji Won, what’s wrong?” Ji Won avoided my eyes. “Nothing.” I turned his chin to face me. “Come on, you know you can tell me.” He nodded.
“It’s my dad and this stupid feud he has with my uncle. They’re fighting over who will get the larger part in my grandpa’s will.”
“Oh…” I said softly.
“Isn’t it stupid?” he asked laughing. “My grandpa’s not even dead yet!”
I understood what was bothering him. So I didn’t say anything because I know he doesn’t want me to worry about it. He threw a rock into the ocean and it skipped three times. “Perfect” he said. “Why is it perfect?” I asked. “Age ain’t nothing but a number right?” he asked me, changing the subject. I thought about it for a while and nodded.
“Since I’m older than you by two years, that makes me your oppa,” Ji Won said to me.
“Yup,” I answered, smiling.
Ji Won smiled back. “I love you….”
I felt my heart my heart filled with a bubble of love but then Ji Won continued talking..”as a dongsang.” My bubble bursted. This was not what I had expected him to say.
I stared at Ji Won with wide eyes. I knew it was pretty forward of me but I had to ask. “Y…your….donsang?” I managed to stutter out. Ji Won looked back at me with his puppyish eyes and smiled. He nodded his head gently. Have I been reading all his signs wrong?
“So what do you say?” he asked. “Want to be my dongsang?” Even though it was breaking my heart, I had no choice but to agree. I nodded. “Yes, I want to be your dongsang oppa.”
“Good,” he said.
Ji Won nodded and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small silver knife. I stared at him with wide eyes. “Ji Won, what are you going to do with that knife?” He asked, “Do you trust me Mina?” I nodded my head without hesitation. I trusted Ji Won with my whole heart. He smiled at me. “Good. Lower the back of your shirt.” Ji Won pulled the back of my shirt down. Then he used that knife to cut me. “Ow!” I screamed in pain but he continued anyways. He carved a small ‘E’ onto my shoulder blade. My back was bleeding and he bandaged it for me.
Then he handed the knife to me. “Here. Engrave your initial ‘M’ too cuz I don’t want to use the same last name as your mom.” My hand trembled as I held the knife. I didn’t want to hurt Ji Won. “Go ahead. Don’t worry, I can stand the pain.” I engraved an ‘M’ onto Ji Won’s back. I was surprised because he didn’t let a tear drop or cry out in pain. I bandaged him and he acted as if nothing had happen. When it was over, he held me close.
I held onto Ji Won tightly as if he was going to leave me. I know he only thinks of me as his little dongsang but it feels nice holding him like this.
As Ji Won held onto Mina, his smiling face instantly turned sad. He wanted to say ‘Mina, I love you as a girlfriend’ so she would be his forever but he couldn’t. He wasn’t the type to admit his feelings. So he figured the scarring was not an engravement of his brotherly love to Mina, but his promised symbol as a soulmate to her forever…
Years had pass and I’m still with Ji Won. I didn’t think it was possible but I grew more and more in love with Ji Won everyday. We would do a lot of stuff together and we never had any fights. We argue, but it never came to the point where we would get really mad at each other and he usually let me have it my way.
Kang Sung Hoon was Ji Won’s other friend and he hangs out with us a lot too. Sung Hoon is a little older than me and is really nice. He has this really cute smile that when he smiles, you can’t help but smile back. I called him ‘bang geul ee.’ His family life also isn’t good. His dad is a drunk and his mom had passed away when he was young. So usually it was the three of us together
My home life is a lot better thanks to Ji Won. My stepmom didn’t dare to touch me anymore and it’s still the same between me and my dad. We don’t talk much. Ji Won’s parents like me a lot too. It’s because when they tell Ji Won to do something and he wouldn’t do it. They would come to me. I’m kind of like their pawn. Life was heaven for me until it completely shattered on day.
It started out with good news but who would have known it would end up in tragedy?
June 15, 1996
My stepmom and dad came home one day from visiting the Euns. “Guess what?” my stepmom told me excitedly.
“What?” I asked calmly.
“The Euns are planning a wedding for you and Ji Won!”
I sat down because my knees gave out. This news hit me with total surprise but I was so happy to hear it because I’m so in love with Ji Won. “Really?” I asked excitedly? “How did this happened?”
“Mr. Eun wanted Ji Won to get married and he figured you’re the girl he should marry.”
“What did Ji Won say?” I had to ask. I didn’t want him to be forced into this.
“Of course he agreed,” she answered.
My breathing increased so I took out my respirator. After I calmed down, my stepmom took me into her room and told me all about the arrangements.
Meanwhile back at the Eun mansion…
“Just because you’re making this wedding for me and Mina doesn’t mean I owe you anything!” Ji Won yelled angrily at his dad.
Mr. Eun grabbed Ji Won by the collar of his shirt. “Ji Won! You listen to me. Once you and Mina get married, your grandpa will give you all of his businesses. Sharing part of it with your dad isn’t asking for much is it?” Ji Won pushed his dad away. He began to laugh. “The only two people grandpa will give the businesses to is me or uncle. He won’t give it to you because you’ll spend it all on those whores! I bet all your money is gone now.”
It was true. Mr. Eun was in serious debt and he needed Ji Won to get married because Ji Won’s grandpa was going to give Ji Won his inheritance once he gets married. Ji Won had just turned 18 and his dad had planned the marriage months ahead. His dad got on his knees. “Please son. Please do it for me.”
Ji Won rolled his eyes. “You’re so pathetic dad.” He sighed. Living with Mina taught him compassion and sympathy for people. “I’ll see what I can do dad.” He went into his room. Just then his cellular phone rang. He picked it up, thinking it was Mina. Using his sexy voice, he whispered, “Hi Mina.”
A weird high-pitched giggle came from the other end of the line.
“Ooh…”said the voice. “Hi to you too sexy.”
Ji Won rolled his eyes. “Oh shut up Sung Hoon.”
Using his real voice, Sung Hoon began to laugh out loud. “Gross hyung! That’s how you talk to Mina? Ew! It gives me the chills!”
“Hey Sung Hoon,” said Ji Won seriously. “Is everything set and ready to go?”
“Yeah hyung,” said Sung Hoon.
“Good,” said Ji Won, smiling. “Meet me at the docks tonight. From there we can sail to the mainland airport and get away from Hawaii to start a new life in Korea.”
“Yeah,” said Sung Hoon. “But did you tell Mina about it?”
“No,” answered Ji Won, sighing. “I’m afraid she won’t leave her family. I’m planning to just kidnap her and take her along. It’s easier that way and no hassle.”
“Right,” said Sung Hoon. “At least the three of us will still be together.”
“Yeah,” said Ji Won. “Meet you in an hour. Get everything ready. I got our money too.”
“Okay,” replied Sung Hoon.
“Bye.” Ji Won clicked off his phone. Ji Won’s dad didn’t know it but his grandpa had given him $10 million in advance, along with hotel ownerships in Korea and Hawaii as his wedding gift. He planned to leave his dad $5 million and live off the rest with Mina and Sung Hoon. He smiled thinking about how he would get away from everything and just be with the one he loved the most, Mina.
Back at home I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I know I was still young to be thinking about marriage but I know Ji Won is the only guy for me. I held my teddy bear close as thoughts of Ji Won drifted me to sleep.
It was midnight now. Ji Won snuck out of his house quietly without making a noise. He carried his backpack full of money on his back. He planned to go to Mina’s house to grab her and leave. Then it would be just him, Mina, and Sung Hoon leaving together. He was almost to Mina’s house when he realized that he was being followed.
It was his uncle’s men. They came to get rid of him. Ji Won was smart. He knew the streets too well. He made it through the alley and those men end up losing him. But when Ji Won reached Mina’s house, about 10 men had surrounded her house. They all saw him approaching. Ji Won began to ran as they chased him. He made it to the dock. He saw Sung Hoon on the boat.
“Hyung! Hurry! The boat is leaving!”
Ji Won threw his bag onto the boat first and made a high jump. He landed safely onto the boat. His uncle’s men couldn’t chase him anymore. Ji Won and Sung Hoon started cheering until Ji Won realized what was missing. Mina. He had left her. Ji Won fell to his knees.
“What’s wrong?” asked Sung Hoon.
“Mina! We left her! We have to go back!” yelled Ji Won.
Sung Hoon opened his mouth in shock because he just realized it too. Then he shook his head sadly. “We can’t. If we go back, we’ll just get killed and we’ll be putting Mina’s life in danger too.” Ji Won moved away from Sung Hoon, knowing that the darkness will cover his face. And for the first time in his life, Ji Won cried.
I woke up the next morning with this strange feeling inside me. I don’t know why but I find it disturbing. Then I remembered that Ji Won and I are going to get married soon, it subsided. When I went downstairs, my stepmom was holding that wooden stick I haven’t seen in years. I began to panic. She whacked me with it. I fell down surprised.
“Where’s Ji Won?” she screamed at me.
I was so confused and surprised I didn’t know what she was talking about. She kept hitting me and telling me to answer her. But how can I answer when I don’t even know myself? Then something unusual happened. My dad grabbed the stick away from my stepmom.
“Stop hitting her! Can’t you tell that she can’t think straight through all that pain?”
My stepmom was shocked and she kept her mouth shut because my dad never did that to her before. “Mina,” my dad said to me, holding my hand. “Ji Won ran away from home again. He’s no longer in Hawaii and the wedding’s canceled.”
“He left?” I asked blankly.
My dad nodded his head sadly. “How can he leave me?” I asked standing up. My stepmom’s next words hit me hard and cold like ice.
“He probably left because he didn’t want to marry you.”
I sunk to my knees and fell to the floor. I began to sob to myself. My parents left the room, leaving me alone. ‘How can you leave me, Ji Won? Were all those promises of taking care of me lies?’ I loved Ji Won so much. All I ever wanted is to be with him, even if he did only consider me as a dongsang. I needed to know why he left. Being with him all this time, I knew where he went. I’ll search all of Korea if I had to…
One year later…
During this year, my life of hell had return. I managed to save up enough money for a ticket to Korea and money to spend. I had to work odd hours so my stepmom wouldn’t find out or she’ll take the money from me. I also had to sell some of Ji Won’s gifts to me. He was a really generous oppa who would buy me a lot of expensive clothes, jewelry, perfume, and just about anything that I wanted. I figured he wouldn’t mind because they’re just material possessions. They were a big help because I managed to trade them in for a lot of money.
July 24, 1997
I finally had enough money to leave. It took me a while to go because I knew chances are low of finding Ji Won right away. I needed extra money for my search and I had to pay double for a fake I.D. You could say that I have almost everything planned out. I got a pretty good amount so I planned on leaving today.
It’s been a little over a year since Ji Won left me with no reason or explanation. I’ve gotten so much thinner because I couldn’t eat or sleep and I miss him so much. The problem I still had facing me were my parents. I know they were not going to let me leave. I was only 17. Damn. Still a minor. This year had been total hell for me and I can’t stand another year of it. I had to leave and I had a plan. I was going to fake my death.
It was all so perfect. My family had to go out to a luau with Mr. Eun. He still keeps in touch with us. I guess it’s because he thinks I might know where Ji Won is. Truth is, I have no idea except I know Ji Won’s somewhere in Korea.
I planned to fake a drowning. Because of my heart failure, it helped me close off my air circulation for up to 4 minutes. This time I am using it to let my family think that I have drowned and the tides drifted my body to sea so I will never be found…
But before I go I had to say goodbye to my father. I hugged him hard. He looked at me surprised.
“What was that for?” he asked.
I shook my head. “It wasn’t for anything dad. I did it because I love you.”
My dad had tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry Mina. I’m so worthless as your father.”
“No you’re not but you have to do what’s right dad. Don’t let anyone stop you and stop putting yourself down.”
He nodded his head. I hugged him for the last time. “I’m going for a swim okay?” He nodded his head and watched me head toward the ocean. The plan went perfect. I stayed underwater for a while and swam myself to the other side of the beach where they couldn’t see me. All my belongings were there. I got on the dock and sailed to the mainland airport leaving Hawaii forever…
[Seoul, Korea]
July 26, 1997
Ji Won traced the ‘M’ scar on his back. ‘Damn,’ he thought. ‘I miss Mina so much.’ He sent out one of his men to retrieve news about her and if they could, get her here to him in Korea. Ji Won had it all. Money and power. The only thing that was missing was Mina. So much had happened to Ji Won as he remembered back.
Ji Won and Sung Hoon made it to Seoul, Korea. With Ji Won’s leadership skills and Sung Hoon’s smooth talking, they end up getting a lot of businesses and putting others of out business. Money was not enough for Ji Won. He needed power so he created Sechs Kies, where he was the leader and Sung Hoon was his 2nd-in command. He and Sung Hoon managed to eliminate the group Quiksilver on their own and gained the respect and loyalty of the two members Kim Jae Duc and Lee Jae Jin. Along the way, they found Ko Ji Yong and Jang Su Won wandering the streets. Ji Yong proved to be a genius and Su Won was handy in finding information.
Ji Won knew they were enough. They had hundreds of men under them but Sechskies were the main leaders with Ji Won as the head. They committed a lot of crimes but no evidence was ever found to convict them.
Just then there was a knock on his door, interrupting his thoughts.
“Come in,” said Ji Won.
Jang Su Won came in. “I have news for you, boss,” he said.
“Well what is it? What did you find out about Mina?” Ji Won asked.
Sun Won looked down and hesitated to reply. “I’m afraid it’s bad news.”
Those words made Ji Won panic. “Jang Su Won, you answer me now!” yelled Ji Won with rage.
Ji Won’s yell scared Su Won so he blurted it out. “Mina Nam is dead. She drowned while she was swimming in the ocean. Her body has not been found and is still missing.”
Ji Won fell back in his seat in shock. ‘Mina’s dead? No, anyone but Mina,’ he thought. Su Won knew it was a good time to leave so he left Ji Won in his office. “Mina!” Ji Won screamed out of his window in pain. His cries echoed throughout the city of Seoul.
I finally made it to Chejudo, Korea. I didn’t know where to look for Ji Won so anywhere was fine. I was never a lucky person. I couldn’t find any signs of Ji Won there so I traveled to Inchun City. My search for Ji Won continued for another year. During that time I had traveled to many cities like Guam, Pusan, etc. It must have been a gift from God because one day my search was over…
November 21, 1998
I had just finish my overtime shift at the Nam Hotel. It was pretty ironic because my whole family spent their lives working for hotels and here is the biggest one in all of Seoul with our family name. I went into the worker’s lounge to take a break and pour myself some tea. I sat down and read the headlines.
‘Sechskies are to open a conference broadcasting live on Channel 6 today’
I rolled my eyes. Not them again. They were the notorious mafia lead by Matthew Eun. I shuddered. I can’t believe the leader has the same last name as my beloved Ji Won. Actually 6kies was composed of 6 leaders. They committed a lot of crimes and were always challenging the authorities. They had a lot of power and no one could take their pictures without their consent but a lot of people know what they look like. I didn’t care. I was too busy looking for Ji Won to notice them.
A worker with me named So Kyung Hee came in. “Hey,” she said, patting me lightly on the knee. “On break?” I took a sip and nodded. “Me too,” she said smiling. I smiled back at her. Kyung Hee was actually one of the nicest people at the hotel. Most of them were cold and just worried about how much tips they can get.
Kyung Hee picked up the TV remote and turned to Channel 6. “Hey Mina, there’s supposed to be showing 6kies today. Wonder what they look like.” I nodded and watched with her. When the clock struck 9, I felt my heart had stopped and it was not from my heart failure either. I stared at the face that was giving a cocky smile to the camera. Ji Won. Slowly the camera pulled out revealing the other 5 members.
I recognized Sung Hoon. He and Ji Won looked completely different but I still recognized them. Ji Won had his hair dyed completely blonde while Sung Hoon’s was streaked. Kyung Hee and I watched them in silence as they began to talk. Ji Won and the others introduced themselves. Then the camera showed directly at Ji Won.
To most people he would look like an evil gang leader but in my eyes he was a beautiful angel. If it was ever possible, Ji Won was even finer than before.
“Mina, are you okay?” asked Kyung Hee, as she waved a hand in front of my face.
“Huh?” I asked looking at her. “Oh, I’m fine. Just listening to what they have to say.”
I pointed to Ji Won on the screen. “Who is he?”
“That’s Matthew Eun,” she answered me.
I stared at Ji Won some more. He had change his name and so did Sung Hoon. No wonder I couldn’t find them.
Kyung Hee caught me staring so she smiled at me. “The leader is cute huh?”
I blushed. “Yeah.”
“Too bad in real life he’s such a jerk.”
“He is not!” I yelled at her.
Kyung Hee scooted her seat back in shock. I apologized right away. “Sorry Kyung Hee, I didn’t mean to yell at you.” She had a confused look on her face but she said, “Uh, it’s okay Mina.” I pulled a finger to my lips. “Shh…let’s listen to what they have to say…”
Ji Won began talking. “This is Sechkies speaking to all you losers out there watching us. We just want to say that we’re open to hire new ‘employees’. We usually travel around to our many hotels but you’ll find us if you have the right connections. Also a word to the police of Korea. Why are you picking on us?, “ Ji Won asked sarcastically. “We’re good, law-abiding citizens.” Ji Won folded his hands together and gave a little bow. Then all of the Sechskies leaders started laughing.
“Oh my gosh! Look at him!” yelled Kyung Hee and pointed to Sung Hoon on the T.V. screen. “Look at that stupid smile and that perverted laugh. Kekeke…” Kyung Hee made a poor impression of Sung Hoon’s laugh and it made me laugh. Geez, I thought. Sung Hoon would kill her if he knew she made fun of his trademark smile.
The show ended a little too soon for me but Ji Won did say he was visiting many hotels and mine is the biggest one. He has to come here. I went back to work and waited for him to come.
Ji Won entered the main doors of the Nam Hotel and headed towards the lobby. He let out a sigh. Being in a hotel brought back to him a lot of memories. He remembered how he would take Mina to the hotels to trash it or slide down the long stairway banisters. But those carefree days are over. His only love had died and he no longer has the heart to love anyone else.
Eversince the news of Mina’s death, Ji Won began to develop a passion for anything he thinks is related to her. Things like her hairbrush, the same type of lipgloss she uses, her little respirator, etc. There are times when he had to give her mouth to mouth if the respirator wasn’t around. Ji Won smiled remembering that she had told him that he was her first kiss. Mina never went out with any guys so it made him really happy but he also found it very strange. He didn’t want to give her any ideas about dating other guys so he never asked.
Ji Won had changed his name to Matthew. It’s to symbolize that Ji Won died with Mina and Matthew replaced him. He chose the name Matthew because of Mina’s initial ‘M’ and if anyone asks, the ‘M’ stands for Matthew.
Sung Hoon wanted to changed his name to Ricky but Ji Won wouldn’t let him. Ji Won only allowed him to change it if it had the letter ‘M’ so Sung Hoon ended up changing it to Mickey instead.
“Hey hyung! Over here!” shouted Sung Hoon.
Ji Won looked over at his five friends. He walked over to them and was surprised at what he saw. “What the hell is this?” he asked angrily. Every single one of them had a girl in each arm. “What do you guys think you’re doing?” he asked as he strode over to them.
“Come on hyung,” said Jae Duc. “Lighten up.”
“Yeah,” said Jae Jin. “We worked hard all day and now let’s have a little fun.”
Ji Won rolled his eyes and then he saw two girls wrap their arms around him. He smiled. “Yeah, I guess.” “Alright!” they all shouted. They like it when Ji Won is in a good mood.
From where I was standing, I felt as though someone had stabbed me with a knife. Ji Won looked so happy with those 2 girls sitting on both sides of his lap. I stared at my reflection in the hotel mirror. Big, glassy eyes, pale skin, and waist-length black hair. I looked kind of like a ghost. Not much to look at, I thought sighing sadly. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I slowly turned around.
“What are you looking at?” asked Kyung Hee.
Whew. I let out a sigh of relief. “They’re here,” I whispered to her.
“Who?” she asked, looking over my shoulder.
“SechsKies.”
“Oh. So you want to go serve them?” I shook my head ‘no’ quickly. Kyung Hee laughed. “Okay. Don’t get so worked up, Mina. I’ll do it.” She took a waitress pad and headed over to their table. I remained in the corner watching them.
“Hi, my name is Kyung Hee and I’ll be your waitress today. May I take your order?”
All the SechsKies members looked up to the pretty, young girl who just approached them. Instantly Sung Hoon made the 2 girls on his lap move. He looked up at Kyung Hee, giving her his best smile. “I don’t know what I want for dinner, but you want to be my dessert?” The other 5 Kies members laughed while Kyung Hee rolled her eyes. “That’s so cute. Must have took you all day to think up that one huh?”
“Ooh,” shouted Ji Yong. “This one has a mouth.”
Sung Hoon just smiled. “Feisty. I like it.”
Then he pinched Kyung Hee’s side playfully. She moved away, glaring. “Hey don’t touch me!”
“Come on babe. Go out with me. I’ll show you a good time.”
“Hell no!” Kyung Hee shouted back in his face.
Then Ji Won stood up. “Don’t talk to my friend like that,” he said in a low threatening voice. “Or else I’ll have you fired.” Ji Won’s glare made Kyung Hee move back a little bit but she answered back anyways. “You can’t fire me! I quit!”
She handed Jae Jin her apron and pad and stomped over to me in the dark corner. “Stupid, lousy jerks,” she whispered to me. “I know,” I whispered back, patting her shoulder. Suddenly, I caught Ji Won staring at me. I didn’t know what to say or do so I just left.
Ji Won stared at the girl who was talking to Kyung Hee. ‘She looks like Mina,’ he thought. ‘But can’t be.’
“Hyung,” said Sung Hoon. “What are you looking at?”
“Her,” said Ji Won, pointing in Kyung Hee’s and Mina’s direction.
“You like my waitress too?” asked Sung Hoon, pouting.
“No,” said Ji Won, shaking his head. “Her friend. Doesn’t she look like Mina?”
Sung Hoon glanced at the person Ji Won was pointing to and watched her walk away. “No...” said Sung Hoon slowly. “That girl’s hair is much longer and Mina has a nicer body. That chick looks like a stick.”
Ji Won cocked an eyebrow at Sung Hoon. “How do you know Mina have a nice body?” Sung Hoon’s eyes widened. “I dunno… just guessing. Ji Yong’s calling me. I’ll go see what he wants,” Sung Hoon said quickly and ran over to Ji Yong right away. Ji Won began to chase the girl who just left.
I heard some footsteps following behind me. I quickly turned a corner and entered my room.
Ji Won ran after her as fast as he could. He saw the girl turn a corner and he continued chasing her. He saw a figure up ahead and he grabbed her by the shoulder. When the girl turned around, she had a surprised expression on her face.
“What do you want?”
Ji Won looked at the strange girl. She looked nothing like Mina. “Wrong person.” The girl walked way. Ji Won sighed. ‘Maybe it’s cause I miss Mina so much that I’m beginning to see her.’ He began to walk back to the lobby, disappointedly.
From my hotel room, I was watching Ji Won with the little hole in the door. I saw him pat a girl and then walk away with him head bowed down. I went over and sat down on my bed. I let out a sigh. Ji Won doesn’t miss me. He has too many girls with him already. He probably forgot who I am by now.
Tears fell down my face and I didn’t even realize it. I quickly wiped them away. I wanted to tell myself that I hate Ji Won but I couldn’t because then I’d just be lying. There was only one thing left for me to do.
I stood in front of my bathroom mirror. I can’t be with Ji Won as Mina, but I wanted to be by his side to watch over him. I thought about it for a while and remembered they were recruiting new members for Black Kies. I looked at myself. Hmm…if my hair is short and put into a cap, I wear sunglasses more, darken my skin with make-up, and lower my voice…I can pass for a guy.
So I did it. Within an hour, I had transformed myself into a guy. I checked myself over. As a guy, I didn’t look too bad. I smoothed out my new short hair and tucked it into a cap. Guys wear earrings too so I didn’t have to worry about my earring holes. I wore a couple of T-shirts under my flannel and 2 pairs of boxers under my baggy jeans so I would fill out more and wouldn’t look so scrawny. I checked my make-up, making sure I was well-covered. I put my sunglasses on. Perfect, I thought. Now all I have to do is have to pass the test to join the gang.
Ji Won walked down the aisle looking at the 5 new candidates. He nod his head as he studied them. “Pretty good,” he said to them. “Alright,” he clapped his hands for attention. “All of you know how it’s done. Jae Jin and Jae Duc will jump each of you in. If you’re still standing after 5 minutes, then welcome to SechsKies.”
Only 2 of the 5 guys lasted when Jae Jin and Jae Duc were done beating them up. “Okay,” said Sung Hoon. The two newest members to join is—” “Wait!” shouted a voice, interrupting Sung Hoon. Everyone looked over to see who it was.
Ji Won stared at the young boy who was walking towards them. ‘What the hell? Damn! This kid looks like Mina!’ he thought. ‘I must be losing it. How come I keep seeing her today?’ Sung Hoon looked at the new boy curiously. “Yes? What do you want little man?”
I looked at Sung Hoon. Gosh he developed an attitude, I thought. I took a deep breath. This is it. “I want to join SechsKies.” A guy I recognized as Jang Su Won busted out laughing. He placed his hand on top of my head. “You? How old are you boy? 15? 16? And how tall are you now? 5’?”
I moved his hand for him. “No. I’m 18 and I’m not 5’, I’m 5’3.” That made all the other members laugh, except Ji Won. I looked at him curiously and realized he was checking me out. Oh no, I thought. Please don’t recognize me.
Ji Won held up his hand for the others to stop laughing. “Hey, if he wants a chance, then we’ll give it to him.” Then he turned to face me. I felt my heart thumping loud and prayed he couldn’t hear it. He placed his hand on my shoulder. Dang, he smells good, I thought as I tried to suppress a smile.
“Look kid,” said Ji Won to me. “You have to be jumped in to join. These 2 guys (pointing to Jae Jin and Jae Duc) will kick the crap out of you for 5 minutes. If you’re still standing, you’re in.”
I nodded my head. I knew I had to last because I’m doing it all for Ji Won. I stood there as Jae Duc and Jae Jin began to hit me. Jae Jin threw the first punch and it gave me instant pain. He’s even stronger than my stepmom, I thought. Jae Duc kicked me and I was knocked to the ground but I kept pulling myself up.
Ji Won looked at the helpless boy who was struggling to stand up. He doesn’t understand why but when he looks at the boy, images of Mina replaced him. Right now in his eyes, it looked like it was Mina being beaten up by Jae Jin and Jae Duc. He couldn’t help it. “Stay down!” he yelled to the boy. Everyone stared at Ji Won. Both Jae Jin and Jae Duc stopped hitting the boy because they were surprised Ji Won was being nice out of nowhere.
I heard Ji Won yelling for me to stay down. My ears listened but my legs wouldn’t. I refused to stay down. No matter how many times they hit me or how hard, I managed to get up. Finally 5 minutes was over and I was still standing. “Am I in?” I asked in a weak voice. I saw Ji Won staring at me with a surprised expression. “Yes, you’re in.” he said patting my shoulder. I smiled and fainted into his arms.
Ji Won held the boy, surprised. He realized the boy had fainted. Usually he would have let go if someone fainted on him, but this time he held on tight.
The other 5 Kies members looked and the 2 new recruits looked at Ji Won with queeried eyes. “Uh, hyung,” said Sung Hoon, as he patted Ji Won on the shoulder. “What?” asked Ji Won, as he continued holding the boy.
“What should we do about the new recruits?”
“Give them instructions and show them to their rooms. We’ll have a meeting tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
They all left but once in a while, they all would glance back looking at Ji Won, who was carrying the boy in the other direction.
Slowly I began to regain my consciousness and I woke up. I looked around and realized I was in the biggest room in the Nam Hotel. The Presidential Suite. “What am I doing in here?” I asked myself. Then suddenly the chair in front of me spun around. Ji Won was sitting in it. I stared at him with wide eyes. I started to panic because I was all alone with him in the room.
Ji Won gave me a sideways glance. “You okay?” he asked. I nodded my head. Ji Won got up out of his seat and walked towards me. He sat down on the bed next to me and looked at me straight in the eyes. “So what’s your name?” he asked. “Mi-“ I began but instantly cut myself off. ‘Stupid, I thought to myself. You almost said your real name!’ I saw Ji Won’s eyes grow wide.
“What did you say your name was?”
“Min-Sung,” I answered him quickly.
“Oh,” he said and backed away from me.
Ji Won stood up and walked towards the window, looking outside. He knew the new recruit was a boy but somewhere inside him wished MS would say his name was Mina. He let out a sigh. “There’s a meeting tomorrow. Be there okay?”
I looked at Ji Won with his back facing me. It had only been 2 years but I felt as though I couldn’t read what was going on in his mind anymore. I let out a sigh myself. “Ji Won, where do we meet later tomorrow?”
The call of his real name made Ji Won suddenly look up. He ran over to where Min Sung was sitting and grabbed him by his shoulders. “How do you know my real Korean name? No one knows me by that. Everyone calls me Matthew.”
Oh no, I thought. I had completely forgotten that Ji Won had change his name to Matthew but I thought fast. “I didn’t know your name as Ji Won. All I said was, ‘Gee, wanna go out later tomorrow?’” I felt Ji Won’s grip on me loosen. He had bought the story. When he was looking, I let out a sigh of relief.
‘I’m losing it,’ thought Ji Won. “We’ll meet in the main dining room tomorrow,” Ji Won told Min Sung. He nodded his head and left. Ji Won walked out to the balcony and looked up at the sky. “I love you Mina, that’s why it hurts so much that you’re not here.” But the real Mina had left before she could have heard those words.
Meanwhile back in the hotel lobby…
After Sung Hoon and the others gave the new recruits instructions and about the meeting, they all went back to their rooms. “You think there’s something wrong with Matthew hyung?” asked Jae Jin. “Yeah,” said Jae Duc. “Did you see the way he held the new guy?” They began to shudder.
“No, it’s nothing,” answered Sung Hoon.
“You think maybe Matthew is gay?” asked Ji Yong.
“You’re the one who looks gay,” said Jae Duc, jokingly.
“Shut up!” yelled Ji Yong as he punched Jae Duc lightly.
The others began to laugh. Then Su Won said, “Could be though. I never saw him ‘be’ with a girl before.” Sung Hoon lets out a sigh. “Okay, I’ll tell you guys the real deal. But don’t let this get back to Matthew okay?” They all nodded and leaned forward to hear the story.
“It was like 5 years ago when Matthew hyung met this girl named Nam Mina….”
“She a babe?” asked Jae Duc, interrupting.
Sung Hoon gave him a look. “Yes, Duc-ee, she’s a babe.”
“Oh, okay,” said Jae Duc. “Continue.”
“Anyways, Matthew knew her before he met me. It turns out that she was the first person who ever really cared about him and Matthew fell in love with her. But you know how hyung is. He could never tell anyone exactly what’ s on his mind or how he feels. Instead of saying he wants Mina to be his girlfriend, he said he wants her to be his dongsang—“
“That’s stupid!” yelled Jae Duc, interrupting Sung Hoon. “Why he say that for? She’s a babe!”
“Sh..!” yelled Jae Jin, Ji Yong, and Su Won at Jae Duc.
Sung Hoon continued. “Well, Matthew ended up having this blood ceremony with her. They scarred each other’s back with their initial. It looks like a blood tie but later on I found out it was his symbol of promised love-“
“Ow..that must have hurt,” said Jae Duc, as he hugged himself. Jae Jin smacked him on the head for interrupting again.
“I think they knew each other for a year before they met me. At first I thought Mina was cute, but then by the way Matthew acts, I can tell she was off limits. See, Mina had this heart condition where air would suddenly be closed off and she couldn’t breathe. The only way to get air in was by this respirator—“
“The one hyung always carry?” asked Jae Duc.
“Yes Duc—ee,” said Sung Hoon, rolling his eyes. “Anyways, it was either that or mouth to mouth. Once when Matthew went collecting shells for Mina, I was walking along the shores with her. One of her attacks came on. I freaked out of course, but I knew what to do. I laid her down and I was about to give her CPR but then Matthew ran the speed of light and knocked me into the ocean and he gave her CPR.” The others started laughing.
“Dang, ain’t he a Romeo?” said Jae Duc, laughing.
Sung Hoon smiled. “It’s cause he loves Mina and didn’t want any other guy touching he. I mean, during school, if any guy talks about wanting to date her, Matthew made sure he didn’t. Oh yeah, Matthew hyung hasn’t always been Matthew. His real name is Ji Won. The ‘M’ scar on his back stands for Mina, not Matthew.” The others opened their mouths in shock. They never knew Ji Won had been this much in love before.
“How romantic,” whispered Jae Duc.
“Shut up hyung,” said Ji Yong. “Quit interrupting!”
“Okay, okay,” said Jae Duc, blocking himself from Jae Jin’s hand.
Sung Hoon began talking. “If there are no more interruptions, then I’ll continue.” He paused for a second and then continued. “The day before Matthew and I made it to Korea, he and Mina were supposed to get married. Matthew didn’t like his dad and there was this feud in their family on who gets the grandpa’s inheritance. Matthew got it, of course, and he took it all and left Hawaii. He took me and he was planning on taking Mina too. When he went to her house though, his uncle’s men were guarding the place and he couldn’t take her. He ended up leaving Hawaii without saying goodbye to Mina.” All of them remained silent.
Then Su Won spoke. “Last year hyung sent me out to get some news on Nam Mina. She had died drowning.”
Sung Hoon nodded. “Yeah but Matthew and I think she committed suicide. He think it’s because Mina can’t handle living with her stepmom, who always abuse her. If you ask me, I think Mina committed suicide because Matthew left her without any reason. I think hyung thinks that too but he won’t say it. I think he blames himself for her death and since then he hasn’t been the same. He used to be nicer and not this touchy. Also that’s why he’s never been with another girl. I mean, we see him flirt with other girls but none of us actually see him ‘be’ with another girl right?”
The others nodded in agreement. Sung Hoon continued. “About this new boy today. I think Matthew is losing it. He probably thinks when he sees the boy he is see—“ Sung Hoon stopped talking as he looked up. He finished his sentence with a “—See you later!” and he ran off.
The others looked up surprised. Jae Jin smacked Jae Duc on his head. “What?” asked Jae Duc. “I didn’t interrupt!” “It’s not Duc-ee’s fault,” said Ji Yong. “Look.” Ji Yong pointed to where Sung Hoon ran off too.
“Aigo,” said Jae Jin. “It’s that same waitress babe.”
“See?” said Jae Duc. “It’s cause of a girl, not me. You hit me by mistake.”
“No, it’s not a mistake. I still wanna smack your head cause it makes this cool hollow sound,” replied Jae Jin as he smacked Jae Duc on his head again.
“So, wanna go out sometime?” Sung Hoon asked Kyung Hee, leaning near her. She rolled her eyes at him.
She answered flatly, “No” and began to leave.
Sung Hoon held onto her arm. “Come on babe. X-mas is next month and don’t be a scrooge.”
Then suddenly, Kyung Hee gave him a seductive smile. “I guess. How about we go out on November 31 then?”
Sung Hoon gave her a sexy smile back. “It’s a date then,” he answered, letting her go. The other 4 walked up to him.
“How’d it go Mickey?” asked Su Won.
“Hey, hey, what can I say?” answered Sung Hoon cockily. “I’m the man!”
Jae Jin gave him a high-five.
“Alright!” yelled Jae Duc. “When you 2 going out?”
“November 31,” answered Sung Hoon.
“Uh, Mickey,” said Ji Yong.
“Sup Ji Yong?” said Sung Hoon.
“November doesn’t have a 31st.”
“What?” asked Sung Hoon surprised. He looked at the calendar. November ended on the 30th. He looked around but Kyung Hee had already left. He started cursing while the others tried to hold back their laughter.
November 23, 1998
“This meeting of SechsKies is now in session,” announced Ji Won to the main members of the group, along with the new recruits. His voice got their attention and they quickly focused their attention on Ji Won. Ji Won looked to see if Min Sung was there. He was. Ji Won gave a little smile to him. He didn’t know why but when he looks at Min Sung his mind would replace Min Sung’s face with Mina’s.
“So any new business?” he asked the members.
“Yes,” answered Jae Jin. “The Black Dragons have killed some of our members and took away some of our businesses.”
“Damn it!” yelled Ji Won as he pounded his fist on the table. “We’ll just have to see that this Black Dragon matter will be solved. Mickey you, Ji Yong, Su Won, and the 2 new recruits deal with the businesses. Jae Jin, Jae Duc, and Min Sung will come with me.” Everyone looked at Ji Won strangely.
Sung Hoon began to speak. “Uh, hyung. You want to take Min Sung along?”
Ji Won glared at him. “Yeah. Anyone here have any objections?” No one answered. “Meeting adjourned,” announced Ji Won and everyone went to work.
I followed the Black Kies to a dark alley. I was surprised Ji Won wanted to take me along, considering I was one of the weakest members. I thought I would get to work with the White Kies in businesses.
“Hey kid,” said Jae Duc to me.
“What is it?”
He handed me a gun. “Use this to protect yourself.”
My eyes widened as I held the cold metal. Please don’t let me use it, I prayed silently.
Ji Won walked over to Min Sung. “Okay, the coleaders of Black Dragons are meeting around here. You’ll recognize them by the dragon tattoos on their arms. If you see them, just shoot them as they come out.”
“But Matthew hyung, I—“ but my words were cut off the sound of gunshots.
POW
“Get down!” yelled Ji Won as he covered me. Then he started firing. I covered my ears and watched Ji Won in disbelief. He had shot 4 people and killed 3. Ji Won stood up smiling. I couldn’t believe it. I was in love with a cold-blooded killer. Jae Jin and Jae Duc killed some other members and JW told them to kill every single Black Dragon member.
One Black Dragon member laid hurt on the ground. Ji Won pulled him up by the collar of his shirt and pointed a gun to his head. “Tell me who’s your leader punk or else I’ll blow your brains out.”
The young boy was whimpering. I felt sorry for him. “Please don’t kill me. My leader is Eun Tae Won.” “Who the hell is that?” asked Ji Won angrily. “What the hell does he have against me?” “He’s the godson of Mr. Eun, who’s one of the heirs of the Eun Hotel Empire and he came to get the inheritance back from you.”
I listened to what the boy was saying. I never knew that Ji Won’s uncle had a god son. From what I had heard, Ji Won’s uncle had passed away 2 months ago and he had a heir. The heir is the leader of Black Dragon, I figured out.
“That bastard,” said Ji Won. “He’s dead and he still has someone after me.” When Ji Won wasn’t looking, the Black Dragon boy had pulled out a knife, ready to stab Ji Won. I didn’t have time to think so I reacted instantly. I shot the boy. He fell back in pain but managed to get up and run away.
Ji Won looked at me surprised. He gave me a smile. “Good job, Min Sung,” he said walking over to me and patted me on the back. I was appalled at what I had done. I couldn’t answer him so I just handed him back the gun.
Just then Jae Jin and Jae Duc came back to us. “Got them all hyung,” said Jae Jin smiling as he did fancy handwork with his gun.
“Good,” said Ji Won. “Min Sung here just saved my life. I knew it was a good idea to bring him along.”
“Really?” asked Jae Duc. “Nice work kid.” Then he punched me lightly on the shoulder.
When we made it back to the hotel, I ran into my room using my respirator and swallowed a pill. Afterwards, I took a shower. I felt so dirty because what I had done. I knew this was going to be only one of the many dirty work I would have to do to stay with Ji Won.
A few months later…
During this time, since I saved Ji Won’s life, he began to trust me more and confided in me with everything. I was like his new best friend. SechsKies continued traveling to many places and recruited new members. More war between SechsKies and Black Dragons broke out. Many businesses were shut down and more members were killed from both sides. All the blood shed and fighting was getting to me but I held on. All the members of SechsKies accepted me but sometimes I overhear them whisper that I’m gay. I didn’t care as long as I had Ji Won.
April 30, 1999
Finally, after many days of hard work, SechsKies finally got a day of rest. The leaders always hang out together but Ji Won always included me. We were at this fancy restaurant and were all having a good time. Jae Duc was telling us funny jokes. He stopped in the middle of a joke as he saw the Black Dragon leaders enter the restaurant.
Tension was felt by everyone. The Black Dragons sat down across from us. Ji Won and Tae Won were giving each other glares. Underneath the tables, we pulled out our guns. I knew the Black Dragons were doing the same. We didn’t know which side fired the first shot but before we knew it, bullets were flying everywhere.
Ji Won covered me as we ran out of the restaurant safely. We met up with the other 5 Kies in a dark alley. The Black Dragons were still chasing us.
“Damn it hyung! What should we do?” asked Jae Jin.
“Kill them all!” shouted Ji Won.
“There are too many,” Ji Yong shouted back. “Let’s just hide out in this motel.” We all ran and hid in this cheap motel’s restaurant. The Black Dragons lost us and continued searching.
“I don’t believe this!” said Ji Won furiously. “I, Matthew Eun, of SechsKies have to hide down here in this cockroach motel like I’m a dog or something!”
“Calm down,” I said to him gently, patting his back. “It’s not so bad.”
“Yeah hyung,” said Sung Hoon. “It’s only for one night. Besides, we’ll make them pay for this.”
All of us looked around. There was only one bed. I could tell none of us wanted the floor because it was disgusting and reeked of something. “I ain’t taking the floor!” all of us shouted in unison.
“There’s only one bed though,” said Su Won.
“Look on the bright side,” said Jae Duc as he laid out the sheets on the bed. “At least it’s king size.”
I nodded my head. “It’ll be tight but we’ll all have to try and fit in.”
Soon it was Jae Jin, Jae Duc, Ji Won, me, Sung Hoon, Ji Yong, and Su Won laying down side by side uncomfortably on the bed. We were laying down one by one and the others looked at me strangely as I ran to be the next person who laid near Ji Won.
Soon everyone fell asleep except me. I made sure everyone was asleep before I made my move. I bent over to kiss Ji Won lightly on the lips. Then I laid my head down on his chest to hear his heart beat. I sighed contentedly.
Then suddenly I felt Ji Won’s leg twitch. Oh no. I knew what he was about to do. His 360. I placed my entire body on top of his because I didn’t want to get kicked. As Ji Won did his 360, he kicked everyone except me off the bed. As always when Ji Won was done, he had a huge smile on his face. Then he held onto me tightly. I was overwhelmed with happiness.
The others must have been exhausted because none of them woke up except Jae Duc. He opened his eyes sleepily and said, “Huh?” “You’re dreaming,” I whispered to him. He nodded his head and went back to sleep. Soon I drifted off to sleep too.
Next Morning…
May 1, 1999
Ji Won began to stir. He woke up finding Min Sung holding onto him tightly. Ji Won widened his eyes and gently unraveled Min Sung’s arms and legs off of him. The guys already called Min Sung gay and he didn’t want them to think he’s gay too. He sat up and saw 5 of the SechsKies leaders laying on the floor.
Then Sung Hoon began to wake up. He sat up and looked around. “Gross! How the hell did I end up down here?” Ji Won shrugged his shoulders. Then Jae Duc woke up. “Damn, my butt hurts. It feels like someone kicked it last night.” Then one by one everyone woke up. “P.U.I,” yelled Jae Jin. “This floor stinks!” Everyone started laughing.
“Sorry you guys,” said Ji Won laughing. “I must have done a 360 and kicked you all off.”
“How come you didn’t fall off Min Sung?” asked Ji Yong.
Uh, oh, I thought. “I did,” I answered him. “But I got back up and went to sleep on the bed again.”
“Really?” asked Su Won. “I didn’t even know. I just went right on sleeping.”
Ji Won began to study Min Sung. It was weird but somehow Ji Won had a feeling that Min Sung knew he does a 360 in his sleep. ‘But that’s impossible,’ he thought to himself. ‘Only Mina knows that and why didn’t Min Sung say anything about me kicking him?’ Ji Won didn’t know what was going on with Min Sung but he knew he had to find out.
We all got up and ready to leave the room. The coast seemed clear so we walked out unarmed. Big mistake. There was an ambush waiting for us. “Disperse!” yelled Ji Won and we all ran our separate ways. Black Dragons chased after each one of us. I lost the Black Dragon member that was chasing me but I didn’t want to go back the hotel room without Ji Won so I turned back to get him.
When I found Ji Won, he was backed up against the wall by a Black Dragon. It was the leader, Tae Won. He was telling Ji Won to bow down and beg for mercy but Ji Won ended up spitting in his face. Tae Won got angry and pulled the knife back to stab Ji Won in his throat. I ran as fast as I could and knocked Tae Won down. He dropped the knife and fell to the floor with me. As he fell, he used the handled of the knife to knock Ji Won unconscious. Tae Won got up glaring at me.
“Do you know who you’re messing with?” he asked me angrily.
I glared at him back unflinching. “I’ll make you pay for hurting Ji Won.”
“Oh you must be the gay SechsKies member I’ve heard so much about,” said Tae Won laughing. “You’re afraid your faggot leader would die leaving you alone?”
That made me really angry. I didn’t care that he called me gay but calling Ji Won a faggot ticked me off. Since he was distracted, I grabbed the hand he was holding the sword with, and made him stab himself. He cried out in shock and pain. He pulled knife out of him. Tae Won pushed me away and cuts me in the knee with his knife. I fell down and saw him raise the knife above my head. I was going to die.
Then suddenly a voice screamed out, “Gang Rape!”
It made Tae Won run off. I looked over to see who it was. It was Kyung Hee screaming for the cops. I saw her looking at me sighing and walked away.
“Kyung Hee!” I screamed for her.
Kyung Hee looked at me strangely as she approached me. “Do I know you?”
I nodded my head and motioned for her to come near me. When she did, I whispered in her ear, “It’s me, Mina.”
“Mina? But you’re a guy!” she yelled back at me.
“Look at me closely.”
When she did, her eyes widened as she grabbed a hold of me. “Mina, it is you!” I turned her back to face me. “Please help me bring Ji Won back to the hotel.” Kyung Hee made a face of disgust.
“What are you doing with the SechsKies leader and why are you dressed like a guy?”
“I’ll explain later,” I told her. We both put Ji Won’s arms around us as we carried him back. Along the way we found Sung Hoon unconscious on the ground, bleeding. I set Ji Won down gently and lifted Sung Hoon up. “Sung Hoon!” I said, shaking him. He was hurt badly. “Kyung Hee, please do me a favor. You carry Sung Hoon while I carry Ji Won.”
Kyung Hee looked at me reluctantly but then nodded. I lifted Ji Won onto my back and carried him back to the Nam Hotel. My leg was still bleeding from the cut and I was limping. “Mina, can you carry him?” Kyung Hee asked me, concerned. “I’ll be fine,” I answered her as we made it back.
I took Ji Won back to his room while Kyung Hee took Sung Hoon back to his. I washed Ji Won’s cuts and nursed his wounds. When he was bandaged, I sat down on the chair next to his bed.
Then suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. One of my attacks is coming on and I didn’t have my respirator with me. My heart was aching so painfully that I was gasping in pain. But then I remembered Ji Won had a respirator. I searched his pockets and sure enough, there it was. I started pumping it quickly and air entered my lungs.
My vision cleared and I began to breathe easier. Then I put it back into his pocket. My touch made Ji Won stir. He began to wake up. He looked at me.
“Min Sung?” he asked weakly.
I nodded my head. “Yes, it’s me hyung.”
Ji Won lifted himself up. “Where am I?”
“We’re back at our hotel.”
“Oh,” Ji Won said as he looked at my leg. “What happened to your knee?”
I looked down at it. It was bleeding through my pants. “It’s nothing hyung. I’ll be okay in a few days.”
“Did Tae Won do this to you?”
I nodded my head.
Ji Won pounded his fist on his desk. “Damn him! I’ll get him back.”
“It’s okay hyung,” I said calming him down.
“By the way,” he asked me suddenly, “how did you end up finding me? Weren’t you supposed to come back here by yourself?”
His question hit me by surprise. I answered him truthfully. “I came back to look for you because I was worried you might be in danger.” I saw Ji Won look at me awkwardly and inched himself away from me. He thinks I’m gay, I thought.
“Uh, thanks for coming back to save me then,” Ji Won said to Min Sung awkwardly. Min Sung nodded and left his room. Ji Won lets out a sigh. He loved Min Sung as a friend and definitely nothing more. He didn’t want Min Sung to have any thoughts.
Instinctively Ji Won reached into his pocket to check to see if his respirator was still there. It was but it was different. Ji Won stared at it with wide eyes. His once filled respirator was now only half full with air. Someone had been using it.
Later that evening Ji Won posted a note on my door telling me to meet him. It was 8 p.m. and I knocked the door to his room. “Come in,” said Ji Won. I entered his room, not knowing what he was going to say. “Follow me,” he ordered. He left the room and I followed him.
He took me to the beach that was near our hotel. Then he walked over to a spot where there were two rocks side by side. I caught my breath. This looks exactly like our spot in Hawaii, I thought. “Come here and sit next to me, Min Sung,” said Ji Won to me, patting the rock next to him. I sat down near him and closed my eyes as I breathed in the salty sea air.
Ji Won began to study Min Sung. ‘He looks like Mina in a way,’ he thought. ‘Could he be Mina in another form?’ Ji Won didn’t believe in reincarnation but Min Sung was too much like Mina for him. He wanted to see if somehow Min Sung was Mina so he had to test him. “Min Sung, you want to hear a story?”
“Sure,” said Min Sung eagerly.
Ji Won smiled as he told his story. “There once was this rich boy who came from a messed up family. He had no friends at all. Then one day he met this little girl who became his friend. She was really nice to him, unlike his family, so he began to adopt her as his dongsang.” Ji Won paused right there to see Min Sung’s reaction.
My smile faded when Ji Won began his story. He was talking about our life in Hawaii. Then I figured out he was testing me. The respirator, I thought. I must have drained it when I was using it so now he suspects me. I steadied myself and tried my best to give no reaction.
Ji Won stared at Min Sung, who appeared to have no reaction to the story. “Well what do you think?” Ji Won asked him. “That’s a cute story, hyung,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Ji Won continued. “Do you know why he took extra care of his dongsang?” Min Sung shook his head no. “It’s because she has this heart problem and needed this respirator to breathe.” He took out the respirator from his pocket and showed it to Min Sung. Again no reaction.
“Poor girl,” said Min Sung.
“Yes, poor girl,” said Ji Won sadly. “She died a few years later.”
I looked at Ji Won sadly. I knew Ji Won felt bad because of my death but since I’m no one special to him, it wouldn’t matter if he knew the truth that Mina was still alive and with him right now. Then Ji Won took out a stone and handed me one. I rubbed the white marble stone for a while. “Throw it,” he told me. I shook my head no. To me it was like a present so I didn’t throw it but just kept it in my pocket. Ji Won threw his into the ocean. It skipped 3 times.
“Perfect,” he said.
“Why is it perfect?” I asked him.
This time I wished he would tell me the significance of the 3-skip. “When the stone skips 3 times, it means 3 words. I love you.” I looked at Ji Won in an overwhelming joy. Did Ji Won love me? He had thrown the rock and it skipped 3 times many times before. “So did the rich boy ever really loved his dongsang?” I asked Ji Won. Ji Won looked at me. “Of course he does. He has a lot of brotherly love for her.” “Oh,” I whispered softly. My heart began to ache.
As Ji Won continued staring at the ocean, I began to walk home with a heavy heart. Ji Won began to shake his head. ‘Mina’s dead already so why am I denying that I love her?’ he thought to himself as he stared out to the ocean. “Actually, Min Sung, the rich boy loved his dongsang the first day he met her but he’s such a weak person. He never could admit his feelings for her and just waited for her to say that she loves him first.”
Ji Won turned around and saw that Min Sung had left. ‘Oh well,’ he thought as he headed back to the hotel.
*Since some of you wanted to hear more about Sung Hoon and Kyung Hee, this chapter is a little side story.
Sung Hoon woke up aching. He realized he was back at the Nam Hotel and in his room. “How did I make it back here?” he asked himself. Then he realized he was wearing nothing but his boxers. His bathroom door suddenly opened and out came Kyung Hee. “Hey!” he shouted as he pulled a blanket over to cover himself.
Kyung Hee rolled her eyes. “It’s too late for that. I’ve seen it all already,” she told him as she yanked the blanket away.
Sung Hoon crossed his arms over his chest. “So you took advantage of me in my weak state?”
“So what if I did?” she snapped at him.
“That means you have to marry me and support me while I give birth to your child.” Kyung Hee could’t help but laugh.
Sung Hoon smiled at her. ‘I guess he isn’t so bad,’ she thought. “You know,” said Sung Hoon quietly. “You didn’t have to diss me like that when you said you’ll go out with me.” Kyung Hee looked at him.
“I had to! You were such an arrogant jerk and you wouldn’t leave me alone.”
“Maybe it’s because I like you too much to leave you alone,” he replied back.
Kyung Hee blushed a little and decided to change the subject. “Give me your arm,” she said to him. Sung Hoon’s right arm was bleeding and Kyung Hee began to wash the cut.
“Ow!” he yelled in pain, pulling his arm back. “That hurts.”
“Does it?” Kyung Hee asked him, concerned. “I’m sorry.”
She leaned over to blow on his cut. Sung Hoon stared at her the entire time. He felt warm and shy being around her. He never felt this way for a girl before. She was nice to him and not dissing him like she usually does. He really liked that feeling. Kyung Hee gently placed his arm into a cast.
“There,” she said. “All better.”
“You know,” said Sung Hoon softly. “Everyone says kisses make boo-boos feel better and go away.”
When Kyung Hee was nursing Sung Hoon, she developed a liking for him and his nice body was a good addition. “Really?” she asked skeptically. “I don’t believe you.”
“Why don’t you test it out then?” he challenged her smiling.
“Maybe I will,” she said, flirting back. “Where does it hurt?”
Sung Hoon pointed to his knee. Kyung Hee kissed it. Then he pointed to his hand. She kissed it too. Slowly he pointed to his forehead, which she also kissed. He worked his way down to his nose. Kyung Hee couldn’t help but laugh as she kissed his nose lightly. Sung Hoon’s nose was broken.
Then he pointed to his lips. Kyung Hee was about to kiss it lightly but then Sung Hoon held onto her tightly to deepen the kiss. Kyung Hee felt drawn to him so she didn’t push him away. He turned her over so she laid down on his bed, with him on top of her. His hand went under the back of her shirt and he stopped there. Kyung Hee continued kissing him and ran her fingers through his hair. Since she wasn’t stopping him, he was about to continue when…
*knock knock*
‘I’m going to kill that person,’ thought Sung Hoon as he broke off the kiss. “Yeah? What is it?” he yelled.
“Matthew wants all of us to go down to the dining room for a meeting,” said Ji Yong.
“Okay, I’ll be there in 5 minutes!” Sung Hoon yelled back. When he heard footsteps of Ji Yong leaving, he kissed Kyung Hee once more. “Sorry honey, I have to go but I’ll be right back.” Kyung Hee nodded and helped him into his clothes.
“Order SechsKies!” yelled Ji Won.
“Ooh, ooh,” said Jae Duc. “I want some kimbab!”
Ji Won glared at him. Jae Duc shuts up. “Now I want to talk to all of you about Min Sung. He’s only been here for a few months but he had saved my life twice and not to mention, Sung Hoon’s.” Sung Hoon slapped Min Sung on the back and smiled.
“Now,” continued Ji Won. “What do you want Min Sung? A car, money, women? Tell us and it’s yours.”
“Yeah,” said Sung Hoon. “Just name it buddy and it’s yours.”
I thought about it for a while. The only thing I wanted was Ji Won but I couldn’t say that. Since he was suspecting me so much there was only one thing I should ask for. “I want a woman,” I told them. They all opened their mouths in shock.
“Alright Min Sung, you dog!” yelled Sung Hoon, breaking the silence. “At least you’re proving to us that you’re a man now!”
“Okay,” said Ji Won slowly. “Who’s the girl?”
“So Kyung Hee,” I announced.
I saw Sung Hoon’s smiling face turn mad.
“Who do you want?” Sung Hoon asked me in disbelief.
I repeated myself. “So Kyung Hee.”
Sung Hoon grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. “Out of all the girls you could have picked, why her?” he yelled at me. I knew Sung Hoon liked Kyung Hee but Kyung Hee was the only person that could help me. “I happen to like her too,” I answered him. “Besides, you all said I can have anything I want, and I want Kyung Hee.”
“He’s right,” said Ji Won softly. “We can’t go back on our words.” Ji Won clapped his hands for attention. “So Kyung Hee now belongs to Ahn Min Sung. Anyone from SechsKies who touches her, the penalty is death.”
Su Won and Ji Yong had to hold Sung Hoon back from attacking me. “I thought you were my friend!” he yelled as they took him away. I sighed and headed for my room.
Ji Won looked at Min Sung as he was walking away. “Min Sung.”
“Yes hyung?”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Yes hyung. I’ve never been more sure in my life.” Then Min Sung left.
When I made it back into my room, Kyung Hee was in there waiting for me. “What the hell is going on?” she asked me. I knew it was time to tell her my story. When I finished, she was bawling like a baby. I handed her a tissue.
“Th..that is s..so..romantic,” Kyung Hee said, sobbing.
I patted her head as she leaned on me. “No, it’s not.”
“So you’re not going to tell Ji Won who you really are?”
I shook my head. “It wouldn’t matter anyways.”
“How do you know? If he knows you’re still alive, who knows? He might fall in love with you.”
“Maybe,” I began slowly. “But then he’d love me out of pity and not out of love. I don’t want that.”
“Oh.” Kyung Hee stared at the floor. “I wonder if Mickey really likes me.”
“What?!” I asked in surprise.
She looked at me sheepishly. “Oh, I forgot to tell you that Mickey and I are beginning to fall for each other.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t have a chance to. Besides, it just happened.”
“I’m sorry Kyung Hee.”
“It’s okay,” she said as she hugged me. “We’ll just have to put our little romance on hold for a while. You’re more important.”
“No, I’ll go tell—“
My words were cut off by my lack of air. This time my attack was worser than it ever had been before. Kyung Hee stared at me frightened. “Mina! What’s happening?” “C..can’t breathe…” I managed to say. She lifted me up.
“Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“Don’t let the others see me,” I said to her before I collapsed into total darkness.
Slowly I began to open my eyes. I closed them instantly because the light reflecting me was so bright. Am I on the other side? I wondered. I managed to squint my eyes open. I found myself strapped to a pulse racer machine and an IV fluid was hooked up to me. I started to look around my room. I was in a hospital and I saw that my door was open slightly ajar. Then I heard 2 voices talking and I began to eavesdrop.
“It’s a miracle that she’s still alive,” said the doctor.
“Is she going to be okay?” Kyung Hee asked him.
“Well, according to these test results, her heart will expire any time now. We need to get her a heart transplant soon because she’s past overdue for 2 years already. I made some calls and there is a matching donor for her in England.”
“I’ll have to talk to her about it.”
“Please do,” said the doctor. “It’s her only hope of living.”
Kyung Hee slowly entered my room. She stared at me with wide eyes. “You heard everything Mina?” I nodded my head weakly and took the air respirator off my mouth. “You can tell him to forget about it. I’m not going to England for a couple of months to get surgery.”
Kyung Hee ran over and shook me. “Mina, are you crazy? You have to or you’ll die.”
“No,” I told her stubbornly. “It was so hard for me to find Ji Won and I won’t let go of him just like that.”
Kyung Hee began to cry. “I don’t want you to die though.”
I looked at her sadly. “You’re a good friend Kyung Hee. I know you’ll be the perfect girl for Sung Hoon.” I yanked the IV tube off my arm. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
A little over a month later….
My heart condition began to grow worse. My attacks became more frequently and undetected. It would happen during odd times like when I’m showering or having dinner with the SechsKies guys. Luckily Kyung Hee was always there by my side to cover for me. Sung Hoon hated me. I can tell by the way he acts. He probably thinks that Kyung Hee really likes Ahn Min Sung (that’s me). What he doesn’t know is Kyung Hee truly does love him and it breaks her heart seeing him go out with other girls. I think he’s doing that to make her jealous.
As for Ji Won, he began to grow distant towards me. He wouldn’t talk to me much and he’s been depressed about something lately. I wish I could know what was bothering him because it hurts me to see him sad like that. Secrets are definitely hard to keep. Especially ones that you have to cover everyday. I should have known that my disguise and heart attacks would be exposed soon but it just came to me unexpectedly…
June 15, 1999
Ji Won was in his depressed state again. There was this empty void inside him that he couldn’t erase. It was a recurring pain that never seemed to end. He felt lonely. Whenever he sees Min Sung and Kyung Hee together, it disturbs him. He could’t figure out what it was but he kept finding something wrong with the picture. Then a knock came on his door. “Come in,” he said, without bothering to see who it was.
I entered Ji Won’s room holding a tray of food. Now these days since he was in his isolated stage, he didn’t eat much anymore. I was beginning to worry. I didn’t have much time left with him so I wanted to take care of him the best I could with the time I still had left. “Hyung? Are you hungry? I brought you some food.”
Ji Won turned around to see who it was. It was Min Sung. “Just put it down.” Min Sung placed it down before Ji Won. Ramyun, mee-yuk-gook, rice, and curry. ‘How does he know I like these food?’ Ji Won thought. “Take it away I don’t want it.”
“But hyung, you haven’t ate for days. Please eat a little bit.”
“I said take it away!” Ji Won yelled, his anger exploding. He knocked over the tray of food. It ended up spilling all over Min Sung. Ji Won and Min Sung stared at each other. Neither of them knew what to say. Min Sung leaned over to clean up the spilled food and then left. Ji Won fell back in his chair. He ran his hands through his hair frustrated. Min Sung was too much like Mina that it was driving him crazy. Ji Won knew he was out of line though, so he began to walk to Min Sung’s room to apologize.
What a mess, I thought as I stripped out of my clothes. I soaked myself into a hot water bath, hoping it could wash away all my troubles. When I was done with my bath, I wrapped myself up in a towel and got out of the tub. Then I heard my room door open and then close. Must be Kyung Hee, I thought as I began to put my clothes on.
Ji Won entered Min Sung’s room, not knowing what to say. He wasn’t good at apologizing. He looked around and didn’t see Min Sung anywhere. Then he heard the sound of water draining. He figured Min Sung must be in the bathroom. Ji Won opened the door slightly and saw Min Sung’s bare back. He shuts the door quietly and began to leave. He planned to apologize later but then his mind began to sort out what he had just saw. Min Sung’s back had an ‘E’ on it. Ji Won breaks the open the door to the bathroom.
I was buttoning up my long sleeve shirt when my door suddenly opened. I stared at Ji Won in shock but then remembered I wasn’t completely dressed yet. I buttoned up the remaining buttons and then faced him. “Hyung!” I said surprised. “What are you doing here?” I caught Ji Won looking down at my shirt. I had buttoned it all wrong and a great deal of my body was showing. Oh hell, I thought. “Hyung, I can explain-“ I began to tell him but I never had a chance to.
Ji Won stared at Min Sung’s exposed body. Without thinking, he ripped open Min Sung’s shirt finding that Min Sung was indeed a woman. Min Sung stood still, stunned at what Ji Won had just did. He turned Min Sung’s back to him. There it was. His ‘E.’ “M...Mina?” he asked uncertainly, afraid to hope.
I didn’t know what I was more embarrassed from. Letting Ji Won see me exposed or being caught. In all my life I had never been angry at Ji Won but I didn’t know why I reacted impulsively. As I held my shirt together, I slapped Ji Won across the face hard with my other hand. His head snapped to the side. He held his cheeks as he turned to face me. “How could you do this to me Ji Won?” I asked him screaming. “Get out! Get out!” I started to push him out the door.
Ji Won was in shock. Mina, he thought. He grabbed her arms as she pushed him out. “Mina, don’t! Is it really you?”
I glared at him. As if he knew, Ji Won took off his jacket and puts it around my shoulders. I zipped it up, covering myself. “Yes Ji Won, it is me Mina.”
“But I thought you were dead.”
“I didn’t die. I faked my death.”
“Why?”
“So I could go to Korea.”
“You came all the way from Hawaii to find me? Why didn’t you just tell me who you are?”
Ji Won looked at Mina, who had tears coming out of her eyes. He was about to brush them off for her but then Mina pushed his hand away. “That’s the only way I could do to be with you. Join SechsKies.” Ji Won stared at Mina as she continued talking. “After you left me all alone in Hawaii, my life became so miserable. Not because of my stepmom, but because of you. I finally found a way to leave Hawaii to find you. I was so happy when I thought about how I could see you again. I thought—”
Ji Won began to feel a rush of mixed emotions. Mina’s words made him sad but seeing her alive in front of him, made him want to hold onto her and never let her go. He paused to let her continue. "—I thought that we could be together like we were….oppa and dongsang in Hawaii. But obviously, I was wrong. You had all those girls around you that you’ve completely forgotten about me.”
Ji Won felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Each one of Mina’s words stabbed him like a knife. “Mina, you don’t understand. I—“ Mina didn’t wait for his explanation and ran. Ji Won chased after her.
“Mina!” he yelled as he chased her out of the hotel.
“Hyung,” said Su Won as he saw Ji Won ran by him. Ji Won pushed him out of the way.
Kyung Hee ran up the 5 Kies. “What happened?”
Su Won shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Ji Won was chasing Min Sung and kept screaming Mina.”
Kyung Hee stumbled back and Sung Hoon caught her. ‘Oh no, poor Mina,’ she thought. She turned around to see Sung Hoon looking at her sadly. Kyung Hee moved close to him and held onto him tight. Neither one of them lets go.
June 16, 1999
It was 3 a.m. and Ji Won had lost Mina. As he chased her down the streets he lost track of where she ran off to. “Mina!” he continued shouting. His cries echoed throughout the streets. A lot of people heard him yelling. So did the Black Dragons.
Tae Won silently crept behind Ji Won. Ji Won was all alone. Tae Won gave an evil smile. He had a plan. He and his sidekick began to set up a trap for Ji Won, which they knew he would fall for.
“Mina!” I covered my ears. I didn’t want to hear Ji Won’s voice. I was so confused. All I ever wanted was to be with Ji Won but now it’s all complicated. I leaned back against the alley wall. I needed time to think.
Ji Won ran through the alleys as he continued searching for Mina. Then he ran into Tae Won. Out of the darkness, Tae Won stepped out. “Looking for someone?” he asked.
“Yeah,” said Ji Won, glaring at him. “I’m looking for Min Sung.”
“The punk that stabbed me?” Tae Won asked furiously.
“Yeah.”
“I got him.”
“You do?” Ji Won asked surprised. “Hand him over!”
“There he is,” said Tae Won, pointing to a figure up ahead. From the back it did look like Min Sung but little did Ji Won know that it was all a setup.
“Mina?” Ji Won whispered as he approached the person. It was a Black Dragon member. He grabbed a hold of Ji Won around the neck and began shooting Ji Won continually in the stomach.
I looked out from where I was hiding when I heard gunshots. “Ji Won!” I screamed as I ran out from where I hid. My scream threw the Black Dragon member off guard. Seeing his chance, Ji Won grabbed the gun from him and shot him in the head. He fell to the floor dead. Tae Won started to run away but Ji Won aimed a shot directly at his heart. Tae Won fell down dead too.
Ji Won looked at me and then collapsed to the cold ground. He wasn’t able to hold on any longer. Rain began to pour. “Ji Won!” I screamed, shaking him. He was still breathing but barely. I lifted Ji Won up on my back and carried him to a nearby hospital. The rain drenched us and it grew hard for me to carry him because of the weight. However, I managed to make it. They rushed him into the emergency room. Four hours later the doctor came out.
“How is he?” I asked as I ran up to him.
“He was shot 4 times in the stomach region. As you know, a person needs at least one kidney to survive but both of his are destroyed. Unless we can find a donor, he’ll have to die.”
“Give him mine,” I told the doctor right away.
“Are you sure?” I nodded my head. “Because of your heart condition, if we have this operation that means you can die instantly during the transfer.”
I nodded my head again. “I understand. Please let’s have the operation now.”
They tested me and luckily I was compatible with Ji Won. Six hours later the surgery was completed. It’s a miracle that I’m still alive. I knew not for long though.
I woke up finding myself in a hospital bed with Ji Won on a bed next to me. He was still in a coma. I got out of bed and went near him. I stroked his hair gently as I bent down to kiss him. “I love you Ji Won,” I whispered to him. Then I left the room, going to the last place I wanted to be.
Ji Won began to wake up. He looked around and realized he was in a hospital room. Slowly his door began to open and the rest of SechsKies entered his room. “Hyung?” asked Sung Hoon. “Are you okay?” Ji Won nodded his head weakly as he pulled himself up. “I’m okay now.”
Jae Jin walked over to his bedside. “We’re so sorry Matthew hyung. We didn’t know what happened until this morning. We got revenge for you though when we wiped out the entire Black Dragon hideout.”
“It’s okay,” he told them softly as they all bowed down.
Then a knock came to his door. The doctor came in. “Oh good, you’re awake,” he said.
Ji Won looked at him. “Thanks for saving me Doc.”
“No need to thank me. Your girlfriend is the one who saved your life.”
Ji Won began to panic. “What did she do?”
“She could have gotten a chance to go to England to get a heart transplant but she decided to stay to give you her kidney instead.”
“The girl…where is she?” he asked frantically.
The doctor looked around the room. “She was supposed to be in here—“ Ji Won got out of bed and ran out of the room, leaving everyone staring after him. “Hyung!” all the 5 Kies shouted but Ji Won had already left. He ran searching for Mina. He knew where she went.
June 17, 1999
Please let Ji Won be okay, I prayed to myself silently. Hopefully my prayers will be answered. So is this the end? My heart never changed because it was still the same one I loved Ji Won with. I couldn’t bear the thought of trading it with someone else. I was so confused. Had I finished what I had really come for? What will happen to my love for Ji Won? I didn’t know these answers.
I felt weaker and my pen fell from my fingers. I stopped my story right there. Truth is, I didn’t know how to end it so I might as well leave it unfinished. I took off my cap and clothes. I was wearing a long white flowing dress underneath. It was the kind I always wanted to wear when I thought I was going to marry Ji Won.
My hair had grew out a little bit. It grazed my chin. I started to put on some light make up and combed my hair. I don’t know why I’m getting dressed up for but I knew I wanted to die looking like Nam Mina, and not Ahn Min Sung. I looked at my reflection again. At least I look like a girl now, I thought with a little laugh.
When I was done, I leaned against the hard rock and wrapped my arms around it, pretending it was Ji Won. Then I heard a voice yelling out my name. “Mina!” I recognized the voice. Ji Won. I smiled, knowing at least he’ll be the last person I’ll see before I go.
Ji Won looked around the beach and saw a figure in a white dress. ‘Mina,’ he thought as he ran towards her. It was Mina. He lifted her into his arms and onto his lap as he sat down on the rocks. ‘Mina,’ he whispered to her and kissed her on the neck and face. Tears began to fall down his face.
All of my energy seemed to have been drained as I forced myself to open my eyes. My face felt wet but it wasn’t from my tears and it wasn’t raining either. My vision was kind of blurred and I couldn’t see Ji Won too well. I reached up to touch his face. It was wet. “Ji Won,” I whispered to him. “Please don’t cry. You’re scaring me. I’ve never seen you cry before.”
Ji Won looked down at Mina, through his tear-filled eyes. “I’m so sorry Mina.” “Don’t say you’re sorry,” she whispered back to him. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” Ji Won shook his head. “I’m so sorry. You’ve done so much for me and I haven’t even realized it. I haven’t done anything for you except put you through a lot of pain.”
I reached up wipe away Ji Won’s tears. “I didn’t expect anything back from you oppa. But I want to know why did you leave me in Hawaii? I could have called the wedding off if you didn’t want to marry me.” I felt Ji Won’s grip on me tighten.
“I didn’t mean to leave you Mina,” answered Ji Won, his voice shaking. “I couldn’t take my dad anymore. My grandpa had given me his inheritance and I planned on taking you and Sung Hoon with me. I didn’t tell you about it because I was afraid you wouldn’t leave your family for me. When I came to your house to get you, my uncle’s men were there waiting for me and chased me to the docks. I escaped but I wanted to go back but couldn’t. I could have put your life in danger. This isn’t the first time I’ve cried Mina. I cried when I knew I was going to be separated from you.”
Despite the pain, I managed to smile. Ji Won didn’t want to leave me, I thought. “Look Ji Wonee, I’m wearing the dress I always wanted to wear if we had gotten married.” Ji Won looked at me. “You’re beautiful Mina,” he said to me. “If everything would have gone as planned, we could have been married here in Korea.”
One thing was still bothering me. I think I managed to hold onto my life this long because of this question. “Ji Wonee, do you love me? I mean romantically, and not as your dongsang.”
Ji Won looked down at Mina. She was beautiful. His heart ached when he saw how pale she was. He realized she never did knew that he had loved her all along. “Yes, Mina,” he told her. “I loved you since the first day we met. I loved you then and I had never stopped loving you.” He bent down to kiss her.
My heart was deepened to a warm bliss. Ji Won said he loved me, I told myself as I felt him kiss me. Then a cold realization washed over me but I didn’t really care. I always thought that I was hurt when I didn’t receive Ji Won’s love. Instead, I found out my pain came from when I didn’t give Ji Won enough love. I haven’t told Ji Won I loved him yet.
“Ji Won,” I said to him as he looked down at me. “Thank you for making my dream come true by saying that you love me. I know you’re lying and just saying it to repay me but you didn’t have to. I did it all because I—I—“
I was losing my voice. Not now, please, I prayed as tears fell down my face. I need to tell him before I go. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the white marble stone Ji Won had given to me when I was Min Sung. I pointed towards the ocean to make Ji Won look. I threw the stone with all my remaining strength. It skipped 3 times. ‘Perfect,’ I thought as I closed my eyes for the last time.
As Ji Won listened to what Mina was saying, he was stunned still. He couldn’t believe his ears. She thought he was saying he loved her as payment of what she had done for him. More tears fell down his face as he shook his head. Then when Mina pointed out to the ocean, Ji Won saw her throw the stone he had given her. It skipped 3 times. I love you. Ji Won smiled, knowing that Mina loved him too. He had known that she had loved him all along but she never told it to him either. “Mina, you don’t understand. I do love you!” he shouted. Then Ji Won looked down at her. She had passed on. “Mina?” He shook her gently. Her body was still and completely lifeless. “Mina!” he screamed in pain. He held onto her tightly, burying his face into her neck. He was crying so loudly and painfully that both their bodies shook.
Sung Hoon and the others finally made it to where Ji Won and Mina was. They circled Ji Won, who was bent over holding someone they couldn’t see. “Hyung,” said Sung Hoon as he put his hand on Ji Won’s shoulder. “Are you okay? Where’s Min Sung?” Ji Won lifted his head up and Sung Hoon saw who Ji Won was holding. He fell back into the sand shocked. “M…Mina?” he asked in disbelief.
“Mina?” the others repeated.
“Min Sung is Mina?” asked Ji Yong.
Ji Won nodded his head. “She dressed up as a guy to join SechsKies to be with me.”
“You’re right, Mickey. Mina did love Matthew hyung,” said Jae Duc quietly.
Sung Hoon got up and hugged both Ji Won’s and Mina’s bodies tightly. “Why?” he asked crying. Everyone remained silent. Ji Won shook his head. He moved away from Sung Hoon and turned to face all of them. “SechsKies is my family. You guys are all like my brothers. Please be my witness as I make this promise to Mina.” They nodded their heads sadly and listened.
“Mina,” Ji Won began. “When you were alive, I was never able to tell you that I loved you. Now that you’re gone, you don’t believe I love you. Even though I never showed you the kind of love you wanted me to, it doesn’t mean I didn’t love you with all I have.” Ji Won paused and yanked off the ring around his necklace. “With SechsKies here as my witnesses, I, Eun Ji Won, take Nam Mina as my wife ‘til eternity. I have nothing to give you Mina except my heart, which belonged to you from the first day we met.”
He kissed her lips as he slipped on the ring. The others watched him in silence. They were surprised when because of all the time Ji Won had been their leader, he had never used his real name Ji Won before. They knew he was serious. When it was over, Ji Won lifted Mina up into his arms as he stood up. “As your leader, I have a final announcement to make. I am quitting SechsKies.”
“What?” they all asked in disbelief.
“Hyung,” said Su Won. “Please reconsider.”
Ji Won shook his head. “This is the second time Mina left me. I really can’t go on as your leader. The person I loved the most is taken away from me too soon and she died not knowing that I truly do love her.”
The others understood what Ji Won meant. Jae Jin walked up to Ji Won. “What do you plan to do then Matthew?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. I’ll be somewhere where I’ll always be with Mina and constantly remind her that I love her. And as for SechsKies, with all the money and businesses we have, I don’t see any reason why we have to commit any more crimes. We each have enough money to spend for the rest of our lives already.”
They all nodded.
Ji Won placed a hand on Sung Hoon’s shoulder. “Sung Hoon,” said Ji Won.
“Yes hyung?” asked Sung Hoon. “If you do love Kyung Hee, tell her before it’s too late.”
Sung Hoon nodded. “I will.”
Ji Won looked at his 5 brothers for the last time. “This final meeting of SechsKies is now adjourned. I wish you all the best and hope you do find your true love because I have. Good bye.”
Ji Won picked up Mina’s book and scribbled something into it. When he was done, he placed it down back on the rock. Then Ji Won lifted Mina’s body up into his arms as he walked away.
“Hyung!” shouted Sung Hoon. “Where are you going?”
Ji Won continued walking and didn’t answer him. The 5 Kies watched their leader walk towards the sunset carrying his bride and disappeared. They picked up the book to see what Ji Won had written. The last entry of Mina’s story was,
“True love never has an ending.”

A Another Story

2005-11-21T02:28:00.000+08:00

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restlessand gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meether at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.
She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.
She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.
I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

Dolce Vita

2005-11-17T01:19:00.000+08:00

I met her on the net, how? I can't remember, but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.
"If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. Do I have a million?""No. That's why I don't have a house.""If I have wings, I can fly. Do I have wings?""No. So I can never fly.""If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off?""No. That’s why I don't love you."That's me, a typical science student. First, you come up with an assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion.
If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.But she is an exception. She actually mailed me and said that I am an 'interesting' person.'Interesting’? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage.Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad-FLYNDANCE -That’s quite a unique one.But I was warning myself: Hello, this is the virtual world of Internet. Who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise, the only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a herbivore. But, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special.
So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in #ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply.....blah blah.....blah....
Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction!Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in one of the mails....'I dance slightly, amidst the crowd.Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, It ain't gonna stop my rhythm.'Cos it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'I simply cannot relate this gal to any of the 'dinosaurs'.But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill.Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this...."HELLO!!! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk? Maybe 'she' is a guy!! Haha!!"I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Sec 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'.As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many girlfriends he had .
I went online that night, log onto #ajcrr and..... Yesh!! She is there!!
Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message....."hey slorr...so late liao haven't slept ahh??"Now what? Now what??!! Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath.Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her.How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humour which has gone stale."slorr... me in a foul mood today...can't sleep.. u leh??"MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what slorr slorr...
now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows? It might attract some innocent gals into talking to you.... Haha....""I am not feeling very good too.... so let's sad together."Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead.Actually I m not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all.And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:"since u r feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP."And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes.So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her."ok... but u haven't greet me leh..."DAMNIT! How can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me 'MR COURTEOUS' in school.If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lost all my female fans."nice to meet u...miss long-hair..."I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.
Tye said that:"FlyNDance...hmm...she would either be long-haired or a desperado, because when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt.So if she doesn't has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she dances, AH-HA!! This has a certain sexual hint in it... haha.." "heh? how u know I got long hair?"BINGO!! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. Yesh!!
"not only that....I also know u seldom wear skirt...."I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever."err... I guess u r rite lor.. but how u know one?"HAHAHAHAHA.... I m good ahh..."just guess...""ok lor... hey slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz... ucoming online tomorrow morning??" "ya... y??.."Please...please...please say the u coming too, if not I m going to kill myself for letting u go tonight."I’ll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...good night...""er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too"I just blurted out a last sentence....
Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now.But is the season of spring really arriving for me? I wish.... "slorr... what a coincidence ahh...""yeh... I m not late." "ya lor... so qiao.."Gals are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I have to pretend that its not.They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life."slorr.... u talking nonsense lah...""NONSENSE??? ok, let me tell u what nonsense... Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter.Then he will call out loud the name of the gal, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely.""slorr.... u siao liaoz ahh??""I siao? Ok...let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and u can see birds stop over at his side, admiring his work. and there will be a gal whose the model....most probably naked."
"slorr.. but these all very romantic mah...""ROMANTIC?? hello miss... romance only survive in novels and movies.In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the gal may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the gal because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."
"slorr... u hate romance??..""I hate romance? nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!! some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I object....because I m not tall.""slorr.... objection overruled..."I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon."slorr... are u hungry?..." "ya... u leh??....""yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.." "then do u think we should....??""slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with u..." "ok, good.. I m not romantic... neither are u."I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning."You moron...told her you are not romantic...you siao ah?....you have disgrace we man... how can you make such a bigmistake?....I...I..."
Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing."There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal... one...don't forget to be romantic... two...don't be too honest... 3...don't be too stingy on the sugar in our speech... noticed number 1, you stupid??"What rubbish is that? In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai', you should know this...""This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. Women aren't really that...cheap... so why would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me??""That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic... Those 'nice guys' are usually...dumdums...so she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums... in Maths we call this 2C1...understand? Dumdum.."
Oh, Tye is talking about Maths!! Now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf."In another words... gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall...if you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts...can forget your stupidity...but they can never forgive if you are not romantic...""Come on, this is so exaggerating.""Hey...most women have a 'knot' for romance...just like most men have a 'knot' for virginity...to women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men, same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance.""This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that.""The key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but how many had actually succeeded in that... practically none...""Ok, fine. now I've done it... so what should I do to remedy the situation?""Face it...you are hopeless already... I promise you I'll have a drink with you when you and her are over...""YOU SON OF A BITCH."
Mid-night. I am trying to concentrate on my Physics notes....F = ma, v = u + at.... it's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science. then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitious? Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be explained by Science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its unreal....
Close to 1am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there..."slorr...u here" "finally... good night to u...:).."'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this hour? Must be feeling down again."yes... it is fate that brought me to u at this moment..."I am trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit romantic."slorr... nothing to do with fate...I waited 4 u 4 one hour liaoz...""sure or not?.. for wat?.." "talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep...""u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah...:)""slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of relationships began from internet?..."
Oh my god... how should I answer her now?"it's.. it's very... romantic..."Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now."slorr... u bluffing... u not romantic one mah..."GAME OVER!! I m finished! No choice but to drink with Tye."slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?...""no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio tonight?..""nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..."
Sigh...I give up...I asked for it myself."Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, 'coz romance gives pple an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual.""slorr....that's interesting..""surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of pple are produced in this way...The 1st type.... The 1st type being those who present themselves on net with their 'secondary personality'. Usually all of us consists of multiple personalities, and in everyday life, what we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep inside. So internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge."
"izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?""The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. there's bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldn’t be found in u. cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur.""slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?""I m not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!! type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life. for example, if u r a gal, you may act as a man on net. you may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if u want.""hmm.. that’s pretty amazing...""the 1st type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net.the 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others, always forgets his own strong pts.the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible."
"slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?..""I dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos I m not. I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think u r special. being able to attract u, I think I m at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2.""type2.... den who u wish to become?.. slorr.."I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, because these are wat I am lacking of. "slorr.... wat about me?..""U?.. I dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE, problemably that means u wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can. but if this is something u wish yet u can't achieve, den there's 2 possibilities: 1, u r aging, 2, u r leaving the world."
I think I said something wrong, because she didn't sent me anymore msg after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk about these things?I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of Caldecott Hill. damn that TIMES mag, poison my mind. Maybe she's lagging. so I waited... and waited. Although it's just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not know how to start until she sent me this msg:
"slorr... lets meet..."Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight, 8pm, at the entrance of Macdonalds, the one beside YMCA. that's the best time and place to meet a gal you have never met before, according to Tye, because they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mc and have some fries and coke.She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I am not Brad-Pitt either. then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already.
"slorr... u r early..."While I was idling, a gal tapped my shoulders from my back. Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's gonna appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood in front of me now.if not for the coffee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions because she is one of those chio buz that can only be found on Orchard Road, usually while I am crossing the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm."Had your dinner right?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc 1st...""You are pretty smart huh?... a good way to save money indeed..."AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an innocent smile back. Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries.
"This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat..."I m not falling for that, miss... but I m glad she mentioned 'next time'."slorr... r u disappointed when u saw me just now?.."DISSAPPOINTED?... r u drunk?.."why do you think I will be disappointed then?..""Because I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite disappointed when you saw me.."She is making 0 sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute.
"Then why did you have to lie that you are not cute?" "Slorr...I said I am not cute...I didn't say I am not pretty.."#$%$##%^*&%$@!!! "But you are also quite....decent looking what.. its not like what you described to me too.."'DECENT'? a very vague word. to many gals, decent = boring.one good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday.
It is now only that I found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her 1st 3 mths in AJ.sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. from her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies in. Btw, she had completely shook off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless'.she appears to be an attractive gal, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty.its like a dream.
We left the Mc at around 10 pm. since its still early, I decided to send her home and fortunately, its just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine. I would have a second thought if she's staying at Pasir Ris."slorr... congratulations.... u r officially permitted to date me from now on..."She said this b4 the lift door closed. Back at home, I realized that I hadn't asked for her real name, maybe its the influence of that stoopid Tye.Tye told me : "never ask a pretty gal her name the 1st time u meet her, 'cos there are oredi too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if u act bochap..."Then y didn't she ask for mine? dun tell me there's a female version of Tye telling her not to?
it's again 1am. time to meet her in ajcrr. "hi!... slorr.. u tired?..."Of 'cos I m tired after all the surprises she presented me, I would go straight for my bed if not for her. but y is she here also?...isn't she tired too?.."long time no see.. how r u?.." "slorr u siao ah?... 2 hours only leh.. miss me?...""A)yes.. B)of 'cos.. C)abuden...D)dying to see u...E)all of above.... answer is E..."";:)..."
Seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning to me rite now."u wanna go for a movie tomorrow?.."Maybe I should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly click 'OK'."should be no problem... what show?..."HOOOOORAY!!... I m cheering for her fatigue."we decide what show tomorrow... anyway what’s important is watch with who... not the show.."
Tye's fav line, I m just borrowing it. ";:)...""u should go sleep now lah..." "wait one little while... u haven't tell me u tired or not?.." "ok lah... a bit.... u leh?..""I m exhausted.... but have to say good night to u 1st...slorr.. if not I can't sleep.." "me too...."I can't believe I m doing this SILLY business rite now...."ok I tell u what.... I count 1,2,3... then we log off together...""ok.... good night slorr..." "same to u.." "1...." "2..." "3.."I never talk whenever I m inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic.I m not a romantic person, so its perfectly understandable if I can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for those stunning special effects. But something stroke me when Jack said to Rose before he sank into the deep.....
"Rose, listen to me... listen....winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me...it brought me to u....and I m thankful, Rose....I m thankful...."Suddenly I felt much fortunate than Jack, 'cos I dun have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night.But he's one lucky guy too, 'cos he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasn’t just about drawings or special effects.I noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand. and just when Rose said:" I promise... I will never let go, Jack... I’ll never let go.."She opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief. Damn that Celine Dion, y on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON" at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON""Ok... movie ended... lets go...."I stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word I breath out might just crush Onto her, and kill her. she continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim. after a while, she said...
"slorr.... movie ended..... but life goes on.. m I rite?..."I nodded my head... but I just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard Cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street.along the way, she seems unusually quiet. so I guess Tye was rite about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and it is the best time to launch an emotional attack on her, that’s y Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly. her eyes were focussed on the path or the crowds but I know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up.I just kept my mouth shut 'cos I know I m not a good swimmer. we walked to Plaza Singapura. suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter.
"slorr.. have u read a novel called 'fragrance'?...""err.. nope.... y do u ask?...""look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior... its what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday....and he told her 'DOLCE VITA' is French, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'..."She pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but I was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle. "oh... izzit?...""slorr... then do u consider today as 'sweet times'...?""at first I do... but some pts are deducted since u started crying...""that means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, I’ll buy the small bottle then..."I insisted to pay for the perfume as her b-dae present from me since I know her birthday is coming soon, this kinda saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. luckily its just perfume, I would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar.""r u hungry?.... wanna sit down and have something?...""I dun have appetite... what about u?.." "you eat, I eat...."Her eyes are red again...... I m such a fool. finally got away from the noisy crowd at the MRT station, walking on one of the streets of AMK Ave 6. contrastingly, its so quiet now that I even can hear the rhythm of her heartbeat.
"slorr... do u know what's the correct way of applying perfume?"I shook my head. in fact, I had never used a perfume or cologne before, medicated oil maybe.
"1st u apply some behind ur ears... then ur neck and wrists...after that spray some onto the air, then walk through it...""sure or not?... in that case this little bottle wont even be able to last u for 3 days....""slorr.. shall we try?...""'we'?... u go ahead... I m a MAN..."She opened up that DOLCE VITA...behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied some... and she really did spray some onto the air!!...
WABIANGZ!!.. expensive leh!... finally she stretched out her hands... facing up... like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face..."hahaha....""slorr... this is so fun!.... now its ur turn...."She went through the same procedures with me and I can feel the coldness of her fingers. maybe its the perfume... I guess.
"slorr... get ready... I m going to spray!!..."I imitated her.. face up...and walked through my 1st perfume rain."slorr...lets have another round!!..."" WHAT!!... serious?.."My money isn't easy to come by leh!!.... b4 I can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. She was even more excited this time, hoping around, like her nick.... a flying and dancing butterfly. late night of AMK, the streets smells unusually nicer rite now until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA.
"DOLCE VITA is exhausted... I guess this sweet time shall end now too....slorr.. I’ll go up now.... tonight 1am. I wont be online, and u r not to do so too...""huh?....but why?...."
"go online at 12pm tomorrow.. u will know....remember... only 12pm..."She turned and walked into the lift... at the same time... I saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck... which is visible only now becos she tied her hair. I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up.
I switched off the light in my room... engulfed in the absolute darkness... 'cos I wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now... I realised in complete darkness... the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness.. she must be lonely rite now... half asleep..I almost can see a beautiful butterfly.. turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame... and that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red... and then burgundy.. slowly.. it swallowed me.... was it the cause of that can of beer just now?...suddenly I felt cold... and shaky.. and that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart... the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1am...
USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!...checked .. she isn't there.... my heart was beating fast... but the temp remained below healthy level........-=~@~=-
Finally its 12 pm, excited as I was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But there’s a mail from her......Dear slorr,
At first I thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness... recollecting memories we have shared... but all I felt was loneliness...... can u feel it too?...
I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so I used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR... u dun blame me right?...:P... u weren’t there... should I feel glad for ur obedience?.... U said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish type...maybe u r right!... 'cos I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when u said that I m leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?...I still can live like a normal person...
BUT CAN I?..FlyNDance... is it really something I wont be able to do?... After the 1st meeting with u at Mc... I started to realise that u r not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality u r strong, gentle and sensitive.... I can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... I m defeated...
I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that I look more attractive this way...
I want u to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't u ask for my real name? ..that’s why I never asked for urs...
I am a girl mah..... do you realized how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr... thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but I am really sorry.
??.I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye.....Since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it.
Maybe its what you said... 'Internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send you my thoughts right away... but not my tears...It’s about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time you receive this mail...I would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... I don't know....
Good Bye
With lotsa love,FlyNDance
After reading her mail, I felt as if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive.
For a couple of months, I was trying to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and anything that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life.
But I failed. I found out that its not that I don't miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind all the time. Its like I cannot breathe, itfs just that I had forgotten the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years.
I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever.I have to find her!"Err... I am looking for ... er..FlyNDance....""HUH??..."'Huh', this is the exact word I was expecting from her.She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of course, still can't be compared with her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.
Surprisingly when I told her my disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.
"You should go and see her. SGH, Room 3-425."-=~@~=-This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged.
But I don't like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow. Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine. And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.
Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I've ever seen. Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what's that in her dream?
McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room.
But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled....
"Slorr, you are here!""Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?""Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."SKY VERY CHIO...I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings."
But she didn't realize that it's raining today."Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing."Slorr, you lost weight."ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you..""Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me! Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually.
Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like what÷Õ in the case of a movie.But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...Movies are fiction.Life isn't.-=~@~=-
I just wished that she could leave this place as soon as possible back to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged. And I promised she won÷Ö be alone anymore, because I will always be there.After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50, slightly overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance.
"Err, I think i've gotta go now. Bye bye auntie.""You....You..."She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous shock."I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until you leave this place..."Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time, that she can even swim in it.
I try not to close my eyes that night, I want to go to her as soon as the first sun ray shoots into my room...."Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time...""Had a good night's rest?...""Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I know you won't wake me up when your here.""Then you should take a rest now.""Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged.I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her face.
It was only last night before I leave SGH that I found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS. What the clergymen would term the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion. Moreover, what÷Õ a butterfly if it can't fly?
"Slorr, why are you looking at me and not talking?"I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically. I had a bad feeling about this."Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again..."Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?""Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."
MOVIE? LIFE?...."But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for you?""Ultimate Ice Blended!!"This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean everywhere on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable for her at that time."Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should cut down on your intake also, ok?"I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized that she÷Õ just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future.
My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow.This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her.I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook. Quickly applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets."Ok, I promise, I'll try my best.""And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast...""It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes you look troubled and....."This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before she. I can't bear to let her continue.
"Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink right away.""Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want it anymore."From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1 minutes. Not very far.
"Quite near.""Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long... I hate that feeling."I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....
*************************
*************************"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging at me again."Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths.I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks inside, for 10 minutes.Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but I still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.Even Tye has given up on me..."She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being alone.
I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day. When I reached SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly flew away from her room at around 1 am last night....After that... I can't remember...
I just knew that I stood at the bus-stop for a whole day and I was all wet because of the rain. Even my face.I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night...
Basically, I was hoping for something impossible to happen. I can't believe that I am of Type 2, even in real life.Did I cry?.. NO WAY!..I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions. Whenever I had the feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths ago.Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me. But I÷Øe stopped taking coffee and beer.
"Xing ah, is this for you?"My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning.I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside, and another coffee envelope.
Slorr,
I am FlyNDance's sister, I think this is how you are addressing her. I am sorry that I do not know your real name, although we'd met before.When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with your name and address already written on it.So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended to do.
Best wishes,Xiao Wen
The letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another:
'To:slorr...'
Followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope. But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance.
I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address. Did I give her in one of my mails?I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside.Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland, wearing the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.
Something was written at the back of it....
Dear slorr,
Coffee represents Pisces.. that's me. Blue represents Sagitarius.. that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope.... know what I mean?
Seeing me, do you feel like drinking coffee now? Stop drooling!FlyNDance
I smiled.... bitterly. The contents of the blue letter is simple:
If I have one more day to live, I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have one more day? No. Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend... not in this life.If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you. Do I have wings? No. Sadly. I can never see you again.If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put off the flame of love btw us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn off? Can.
So yes. I LOVE YOU.
FlyNDanceMy chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time go in a jiffy.As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness that÷Õ on the whole of my face anymore.She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her... tears for 2 months....-=~@~=-Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar, including best picture.Yet, Rose wasn't the best actress under that category. So if it's sad in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. And in reality, should Jack hold on to Rose and 'Never let go?'Maybe he shouldn't be worried about this. 'Cos that beautiful coffee butterfly will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...'

Love Is...

2005-11-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

I had three friends. Eric, Cathlyn, Carol.Eric was chased by all the girls in our high school.Cathlyn was one of those popular girls. Cheerleader, sexy, and stylish.Carol was just one of those plain and average girls .Cathlyn and Carol were both totally crazy and wacko over Eric.Cathlyn didn't have to do anything to attract Eric.For she was already attractive enough.Carol on the other hand, showered Eric which love and care.Carol wasn't ugly at all.In fact, she looked sweet and pleasant.But she wasn't a cheerleader, she didn't were spaghetti-straps or tubes.So like everyone expected, Eric chose Cathlyn.For Carol was just one ordinary and plain girl.While Cathlyn was labele d as the cool and attractive type.Eric always insulted Carol.
Telling her what a 'Plain Jane' she was.And how dumb she looked.Which obviously made Carol feel so hurt and useless.That's life. Carol never gave up though.She wanted to prove something to Eric.She wanted to prove that looks aren't everything.She studied hard, really hard.She became the top girl, and all the guys who once ignored her, chased her.But she never forgot Eric.Everyday, she put a red rose in Eric's locker.Always with the same words.'I care for you, and I always will'Because she knew that Eric was facing a hard time.Eric began to realise.How dumb he had been.His beloved girlfriend, Cathlyn.Was flirting with other guys.He regretted for choosing the wrong girl.Cathlyn broke up with Eric later.For she had found a wealthier guy.Eric felt so cheated, stupid and dumb.He went to look for Carol.He knelt on his knees, and said."Carol, please forgive me. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"Carol rejected him, much to everyone's surprise.She only uttered these words."You've suffered a great loss, so I don't want you to face another one"
Eric felt disappointed.He didn't understand a word that she said to him.But they became good friends.Did everything together.Eric began to change into someone better.Because Carol showered him with the love he never experienced before.His ex-girlfriends had never treated him that way.They just accepted him for his looks.But Carol accepted him for himself .She changed him.Carol continued putting a red rose into his locker everyday.With the same words. She never forgot.
One day, Carol didn't turn up in school.She didn't come for a week.At first, Eric thought that she was on a vacation with her family.Because she told him that she would be going Hawaii with them.But one day. He received a call from the General Hospital.Saying that Carol was about to die.She had been suffering from cancer.But Carol forbade them from telling him.Because she didn't want Eric to worry about her.But now that she was about to die.She wanted to see Eric for the last time.Eric rushed to the hospital.When he saw how weak Carol was.Tears began rushing down his cheeks.He whispered."Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why did you hide this from me?"She looked at him . And smiled weakly at him.
"When I said that I didn't want you to suffer from facing another loss, I meant this. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I wanted to spend my last days with you cheerfully." Eric looked at her."You can't leave me!" he said."What will I be without you?""You'll be who you are now. I will always be there by your side. Never forget that. Cherish those times. Live life happily. And one more thing."
"Yes?" "I love you" And she died. Eric screamed.He still couldn't accept Carol's death.He had only spent a month with Carol.A month. But Carol changed his life in a way.A way that no one could ever explain. He regretted.But he knew that Carol would always be keeping an eye on him from Heaven.Sometimes We just don't appreciate those people who really care for us.Until they leave us. Until we lose them. Then we regret.Outer beauty doesn't matter; it's the inner one that counts.It's better to tell someone how much you love them.Rather than to not tell them and lose them without telling them.You'll regret Love is. When we fight till the very last minute.Just to show and tell someone how much we love them.

One Love Story, 100 Days

2005-11-17T01:16:00.000+08:00

Message: Peter and Tina are sitting in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having fun with their beloved half.Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh n silence for a while)Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a gamePeter: Eh? What game?Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)
Day 2:Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.
Day 3:They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
Day 25:Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed togetherfor a while.
Day 67:They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.
Day 84:Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
Day 99:They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.
1:23 pmTina: I'm thirsty. Lets rest for a while first.Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.
1:43 pmTina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter havent return. Then someone walked up to her.Stranger: Is your name Tina?Tina: Yes, and may I help you?Stranger: Just now down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands. The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter. Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.
11:51 pmDoctor: I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would take him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket.
The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. He look weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter said.
Tina, our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you.
11:58Tina: (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days so Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back tome now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.
As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.NOTE*Tell the guy or girl that you love them beforeits too late. You never know whats going tohappen tomorrow. You never know who will beleaving you and never return

Regrets

2005-11-17T01:15:00.000+08:00

10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called"best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:
I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!
I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.
I Love You
Send this to all the people that you love! Even if you dont love someone send it to them....just to let them no that your thinking about them!!

A Story of Regret

2005-11-17T01:13:00.000+08:00

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.
Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back.That went on for several years and each year, the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest. So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy.The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.
Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and have never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly. Since then, three years have passed and the girl never return anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life..... still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl.
On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend's party alone. "Hey, how come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?", asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend's queries about her, still he just surged on.Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his steady. He wanted so much to ignore her ..... not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn't feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.
"Hi......how are you? Enjoying the party?" the girl asked.
"Sure.....yeah!", he replied.She was slightly tipsy..... must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,"Why...? Don't you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?" Then he answered, "No, there is no need for that anymore......"Before he can continue, he was interrupted, "Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven't been searching for one for the past years, right?" The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was.....the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.
As it was Christmas eve, the line was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through......precisely at 1200 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.
He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why did fate played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods...!! How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.
The moral of this story is : -Treasure what you have...Time is too slow for those who wait;Too swift for those who fear;Too long for those who grief;Too short for those who rejoice;But for those who love...Time is Eternity.For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.

" I Love You "

2005-11-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a frienduntil last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair oflovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.“I can’t”“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.“No… I am going to meet a friend…”He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..Me: I love you.Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.Me: Jin…Jin: Here…take this…Again, he handed me a little doll.Me: What’s this?Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?Jin: Today? Huh?I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”Jin: You have something to say?Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…Jin: What?!Me: Tell meI put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everydayAfter a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.“I love you~”“I love you~”“I love you~”Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….

" Rose Trust "

2005-11-12T16:27:00.000+08:00

Sophie's face faded into the gray winter light of the sitting room. She dozed in the armchair that Joe had bought for her on their fortieth anniversary. The room was warm and quiet. Outside it was snowing lightly. At a quarter past one the mailman turned the corner onto Allen Street. He was behind on his route, not because of the snow, but because it was Valentine's Day and there was more mail than usual. He passed Sophie's house without looking up. Twenty minutes later he climbed back into his truck and drove off.Sophie stirred when she heard the mail truck pull away, then took off her glasses and wipe her mouth and eyes with the handkerchief she always carried in her sleeve. She pushed herself up using the arm of the chair for support, straightened slowly and smoothed the lap of her dark green housedress.Her slippers made a soft, shuffling sound on the bare floor as she walked to the kitchen. She stopped at the sink to wah the two dishes she had left on the counter after lunch. Then she filled a plastic cup halfway with water and took her pills. It was one forty-five.There was a rocker in the sitting room by the front window. Sophie eased herself into it. In a half-hour the children would be passing by on their way home from school. Sophie waited, rocking and watching the snow.The boys came first, as always, runnng and calling out things Sophie could not hear. Today they were making snowball as they went, throwing them at one another. One snowball missed and smackd hard into Sophie's window. She jerked backward, and the rocker slipped off the edge of her oval rag rug.The girl dilly-dallied after the boys, in twos and threes, cupping their mittened hands over their mouths and giggling. Sophie wonder if they were telling each other about the valentines they had received at school. One pretty girl with long brown hair stopped and pointed to her face behind the drapes, suddenly self-consious.When she looked out again, the boys and girls were gone. It was cold by the window, but she stayed there watching the snow conver the children's footprintsA florist's truck turned onto Allen Street. Sophie followed it with her eyes. It was moving slowly. Twice it stopped and started again. Then the driver pulled up in front of Mrs. Mason's house next door and parked.Who would be sending Mrs. Mason flowers? Sophie wondered. Her daughter in Wisconsin? Or her brother? No, her brother was very ill. It was probably her daughter. How nice of her.Flowers made Sophie think of Joe and, for a moment, she let the aching memory fill her. Tomorrow was the fifteenth. Eight months since his death.The flower mans was knocking at Mrs. Mason's front door. He carried a long white and green box and a clipboard. No one seemed to be answering. Of course! It was Friday - Mrs. Mason quilted at the church on Friday afternoons. the delivery man looked around, then started toward Sophie's house.Sophie shoved herself out of the rocker and stood close to the drapes. The man knocked. Her hands trembled as she straightened her hair. She reached her front hall on the third knock."Yes?" she said, peering around a slightly opened door. "Good afternoon, ma'am," the man said loudly. "Would you take a delivery for your neighbor?""Yes," Sophie answered, pulling the door wide open. "Where would you like me to put them?" the man asked politely as he strode in."In the kitchen, please. On the table." The man looked big to Sophie. She could hardly see his face between his green cap and full beard. Sophie was glad he left quickly, and she locked the door after him.The box was as long as the kitchen table. Sophie drew near to it and bent over to read the lettering: "NATALIE'S Flowers for Every Occasion." The rich smell of roses engulfed her. She closed her eyes and took slower breaths, imagining yellow roses. Joe had always chosen yellow. "To my sunshine," he would say, presenting the extravagant bouquet. He would laugh delightedly, kiss her on the forehead, then take her hands in his and sing to her "You Are My Sunshine."It's was five o'clock when Mrs. Mason knocked at Sophie's front door. Sophie was still at the kitchen table. The flower box was now open though, and she held the roses on her lap, swaying slightly and stroking the delicate yellow petals. Mrs. Mason knocked again, but Sophie did not hear her, and after several minutes the neighbour left.Sophie rose a little while later, laying the flowers on the kitchen table. Her cheeks were flushed. She dragged a stepstool across the kitchen floor and lifted a white porcelain vase from the top corner cabinet. Using a drinking glass, she filled the vase with water, then tenderly arranged the roses and greens, and carried them into the sitting room.She was smiling as she reached the middle of the room. She turned slightly and began to dip and twirl in small slow circles. She stepped lightly, gracefully, around the sitting room, into the kitchen, down the hall, back again. She danced till her knees grew weak, and then she dropped into the armchair and slept.At a quarter past six, Sophie awoke with a start. Someone was knocking on the back door this time. It was Mrs. Mason."Hello, Sophie," Mrs. Mason said. "How are you? I knocked at five and was a little worried when you didn't come. Were you napping?" She chattered as she wiped her snowy boots on the welcome mat and stepped inside. "I just hate snow, don't you? The radio says we might have six inches by midnight, but you can never trust them, you know. Do you remember last winter when they predicted four inches, and we hand twenty-one? Twenty-one! And they said we'd have a mild winter this year. Ha! I don't think it's been over zero in weeks. Do you know my oil bill was $263 last month? For my little house!"Sophie was only half-listening. She had remembered the roses suddenly and was turning hot with shame. The empty flower box was behind her on the kitchen table. What would she say to Mrs. Mason?"I don't know how much longer I can keep paying the bills. If only Alfred, God bless him, had been as careful with money as your Joseph. Joseph! Oh, good heavens! I almost forgot about the roses."Sophie's cheeks burned. She began to stammer an apology, stepping aside to reveal the empty box."Oh, good," Mrs. Mason interrupted. "You put the roses in water. Then you saw the card. I hope it didn't startle your to see Joseph's handwriting. Joseph had asked me to bring yu the roses the first year, so I could explain for him. He didn't want to alarm you. His 'Rose Trust,' I think he called it. He arranged it with the florist last April. Such a good man, your Joseph..."But Sophie had stopped listening. Her heart was pounding as she picked up the small white envelope she had missed earlier. It had been lying beside the flower box all this time. With trembling hands, she removed the card."To my sunshine," it said. "I love you with all my heart. Try to be happy when you think of me. Love, Joe."

The Slient Love

2005-11-12T16:25:00.000+08:00

From the very Begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background,& that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him. Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged.The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice......The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.....it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying....The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

" Only Love "

2005-11-12T16:24:00.000+08:00

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coatcollars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!""You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them.""You mean Dr. Shu?"Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name."Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?""Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy."They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said."You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well.""Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you." The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall."Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates."I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything."Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye."Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waitingfor me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference."Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him."Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone.""Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone."I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is. "You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card."I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again."You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?""Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel.""Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it.""What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies."It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered."What kind of trashy plot did it have?""What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was."Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums.""Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it."Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking."What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story."Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter.""If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected."I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me."Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly."You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??""Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued."Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class."You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us."We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him."My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes.""Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms."I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we wouldnot be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to biggerapartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone."Hello." He picked up the phone."I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure."You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again.""Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.I'll eat dinner by myself.""Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy.""I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument."Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney."What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood."Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth."It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them."He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him."Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body."Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem."Hwei."That's my name."Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."I received it and it's so beautiful."You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant."I know I always make you mad by the things I say."Good that you're admitting it."But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."I waited so many years for those words."And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours."Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for,and how you gave that love to me...."The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away."Will you marry me?"When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.I answered you. What about you?

Uncondition Love

2005-11-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office. Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.They hang on coz of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing.Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these yrs of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, coz he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still wants a divorce..while they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband.."I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore,i'm sorry..""its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."looking at this, the lawyer tot maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."this is always the problem, u always think so highly of urself, never tot abt how i feel, dun u know tat i hate drumsticks?"Little did she know tat, over the yrs, the husband have been trying all ways to please her,little did she know tat drumsticks was the husband's favourite.Little did he know tat she never tot he understand her at all,little did he know tat she hates drummsticks even thou all he wants is the best for her.That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love u"...He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these yrs, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing tat its him..."whats the point of talking now tat its over...i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord...Little did she remember, he have heart problems...The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get thru her phone line....As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, beneficiary of coz its her...together in tat file theres this note..."to my dearest wife, by the time u r reading this, i'm sure i'm no longer around, i bought this policy for u, thou the amount is only $100k, i hope it will be able to help me cont my promise tat i have made when we got married, i might not be around anymore, i want this amount of money to cont taking care of u, just like the way i will if i could have live longer. i wan u to know i will always be around, by your side...i love u"Tears flowed like river......"When u love someone, let them know... u never know what will happen the next min....learn to build a life together.. learn to love each other. for who they are.. not what they r..."

" The Salted Coffee "

2005-11-12T16:21:00.000+08:00

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was sonormal, nobody paid attention to him.At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, "Please, let me go home..."Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, "Why you have this hobby?" He replied, "When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there." While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said, "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life's lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything... Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth, I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste... But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her, "What's the taste of salty coffee?" She replied, "It's sweet."Pass this to everyone because love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but HOLD ON!!!!

The Gift of Love

2005-11-12T16:19:00.000+08:00

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg. It had been a year since Susan, 34, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. And all she had to cling to was her husband, Mark.Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again.Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan, and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.Soon, however, Mark realized the arrangement wasn't working. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But she was still so fragile, so angry - how would she react? Just as he predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again."I'm blind!", she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I am going? I feel like you're abandoning me."Mark's heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day.He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus-riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, And his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself.On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying the fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure do envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do you say that you envy me?"The driver responded, "It must feel good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and again asked, "What do you mean?"The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine-looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you as you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches until you enter your office building.Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady." Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't physically see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there is darkness.

A Different Way To Say... I Love You

2005-11-03T15:20:00.000+08:00

My Best Friends?

2005-11-03T15:15:00.000+08:00

This will be a place where my best friends will be... my writings, my stories... I'll collect all my stories which i write in this blog...
If you would to have any comments, do feel free to put your comments in. Hope all who read, will like my stories...
Thanks and enjoy reading...